LOL
by TheMoonclaw
Summary: A humorous look at some scenes from the Legend of Zelda games.
1. The Zora King  OoT

**Author's Note: The following will shatter the world as you know it, so please brace yourself...I, The Moonclaw, do not own Legend of Zelda. Once your shock has faded, please continue reading this note to explain the following as it will not appear on every chapter.**

**Oh boy, it's me again...bet you can't guess what this is! As usual, this is a humor story, this time featuring scenes from most LOZ games. Because don't take it too seriously and be aware that I truly love these games. If I didn't, I wouldn't find them fun enough to write about at all!**

**Each chapter will feature a different scene, and will have the initials of the game it is from. They may also have another set of initials if anything is refrenced from another LOZ game. This is just to help everyone and to avoid any possibly spoilers, I guess. **

**Also, the rating is just to be safe, and seemed good since I believe the games are rated this as well.**

* * *

><p>"Please save my sweet Ruto!" the Zora King begged.<p>

Link nodded, "Of course."

"I'll move so you can get to Lord Jabba Jubu."

Link watched as the fish king slid half an inch to the side, and then another half inch.

"Weep, weep…"

After a few seconds, the hero shook himself out of his disbelief, "Umm…I can, uh, make it through there…"

"Weep, weep,"

"I'm really small, you've moved plenty."

"Weep, weep,"

"No…really, you've moved enough,"

"Weep, weep,"

Link sighed and hung his head, shoulders drooping. "I'm going to be here awhile…"

* * *

><p>Auother's Note:<p>

Did anyone else laugh the first time they saw it? And then each re-play yell at the king that he had moved enough? I know you have...


	2. Weak Point PH

"It's transforming!" Linebeck cried loudly, making Link wince in annoyance despite the serious situation.

The man was right, the dark mass was growing, and shifting shape, and beginning to float; all bad signs in Link's experience.

The final form hovered above them, a ball of pure darkness with spikes and an overall creepy appearance.

And then it opened it's eye.

"…Into a giant floating weak point." Link said, finishing the earlier statement, his worry about the evil creature disappearing.

"Don't worry, I know how to beat him," he assured Linkbeck, "it's always the eyes."

* * *

><p>Author's Note:<p>

Alright, I haven't played Phantom Hourglass, but I watched a video of the final boss/ending and...well, I couldn't resist. It's ALWAYS the eyes.


	3. Panic TP

The bones started to gather by some invisible, magical wind and began to form a human figure. The skeleton stood on shaky legs and bent to pick up a fallen sword from the floor.

Midna was about to offer some helpful advice about this latest enemy when there was an explosion that rocked the ground and blew smoke everywhere.

Even being half a shade in this world, she still got blown to the ground. Considering she hung out in Link's shadow, she guessed it was his fault and popped out to yell at him.

He sat up, clothes covered in dust and sand, and he rubbed his back like it was hurting.

"What in the name of all seven Sages was that?" she asked.

Link looked sheepish and picked his bow off the ground where it had fallen a ways off.

She looked at it, and then back to him with a frown.

Midna knew exactly what had happened.

At her disapproving look Link held up his hands, "I panicked!"

She sighed and disappeared back into his shadow as he stood and said, "Ouch,"

* * *

><p>Author's Note:<p>

My brother just got through playing Twilight Princess again and as the first stalfos was forming, he stood there and watched it, and then shot it with a bom arrow. He was way to close and Link got blown up, tossed into a wall, and lost a heart. I laughed. Thus, this chapter is born!

PS. Bom arrows are my answer for everything in TP. They rock.


	4. Song WW

Makar stared up at Link as he conducted a beautiful song.

"Wow! It's strange…I feel like I know that song…does it go something like this?"

He proceeded to play a few cords on his wooden cello and Link frowned, "No, it sounds nothing like that, listen-"

"Oh my gosh! I'm the wind sage!"

Link rolled his eyes, "Whatever, let's just go."

* * *

><p>Author's Note:<p>

Does anyone esle think that Makar's version of the Wind god's Aria sounds NOTHING like what Link conducts? Because, I do.

PS. Thank you everyone for the favorite's and subscriptions! I have quite a few chapters already written, so I will add to this story often.


	5. A Break MM

Tatl was making that annoying jingling sound above his head. Link grabbed the pillow from under his head and swatted her with it.

"Shut up."

"_It's already noon you lazy boy_!" she complained.

He groaned and rolled over, "I know, it's _only_ noon. Let me sleep! I didn't steal this room from that Goron for no reason, you know."

"_We have a world to save_!"

"And we will, just not this time around. I'm taking this loop off. I'm tired, and it's not like I can't just play the song of time and go back again…"

The fairy growled, and muttered to herself.

* * *

><p>Author's Note:<p>

Link never sleeps...NEVER. But come on, if you had a song to take you back in time wouldn't you mess around for at least 1 three day period?


	6. Can't get me LttP

Hyrule Castle was swarming with guards that had been put under some sort of spell. They were better with a sword then Link was so he took to just running from them. At the moment he had acquired a dozen knights on his heels, all clanking behind him.

Link skidded around a corner and ran up a flight of steps, panting. Then he realized that the noise had diminished and turned around, only to see that the guards were at the base of the stairs, waving their weapons at him but not following.

Confused, he watched for a second before shrugging and counting himself lucky.

Apparently they couldn't walk up stairs.

* * *

><p>Author's Note:<p>

I know it's an old game, but it still makes me laugh that the guards can't get you if you walk up stairs. And, Link can just stand there swinging his sword at them until they die. It's pathetic! But funny.


	7. Block Puzzle WW

**Quick note: There is a swear word in this chapter, just a heads up. It's blocked out, but...well, the chapter was just more funny with it in, even if I don't like swearing.**

* * *

><p>Hyrule castle was amazing, and Link wandered around gaping like a tourist; after he made sure the monsters weren't coming alive.<p>

He was staring at the huge statue when the stone Tetra gave him buzzed. He pulled it out and the King of Red Lions spoke.

"_Hey. Have you found the secret chamber yet_?"

"I don't know, it's secret, remember?" he replied sarcastically, taking another glance around the room.

"_It's under the statue_." the voice said.

"Statue I found."

Link started making his way over and asked, "So, how is the Master Sword guarded? A big boss? Some traps? Maybe by magic?"

He stood staring at the 'secret' entrance.

"Block puzzle?"

"_Block puzzle! Isn't that great_?"

He blinked a couple times, "I…guess. But, isn't this the 'bane of evil' and, like, the most powerful weapon in Hyrule? It's only guard is a block puzzle? Who's idea was that?"

Back outside, the King of Red Lions frowned, thinking back…

* * *

><p>"A block puzzle!" Rauru declared proudly, "it's f***ing fool-proof!"<p>

* * *

><p>The boat replied sharply, "Yeah, well, just see if you can solve it!"<p>

"_Done_!" Link announced through the stone.

* * *

><p>Author's note:<p>

I just think the way the Master Sword is hidden if funny! A block puzzle? In the shape of the Triforce...wow, no one would ever think to do that or look under the GIANT STATUE OF LINK! Ha, good think Gannon's apparently an idiot ;)


	8. Block Puzzle 2 TP

The scared grove was quite lovely, and Link looked around as he padded into the center. He thought he might enjoy it more if he wasn't a wolf.

"I wonder how the Master Sword will be guarded!" Midna wondered aloud, "A big boss? Some traps? Magic?"

The two statues in front of them began to glow and Link growled, thinking she was probably right about all three guarding the most powerful weapon in all of Hyrule.

The statues hopped around and then declared in loud, robotic voices, "_Guide us to where we originally stood and we will let you enter._"

"That's it?" Midna said, sounding disgusted, "The scared blade is guarded by a block puzzle? Who's idea was that?"

Link blinked, having a feeling of déjà vu, and then shook himself and got to work, silently agreeing with her that it wasn't very protected.

* * *

><p>Author's Note:<p>

And the follow up! How's the sword hidden in the next game? A BLOCK PUZZLE! Oh course, how very Legend of Zelda...I was kind of hoping Skyward Sword would have a block puzzle, but I checked a walkthrough online and it doesn't...


	9. Pay for Peace TP

"If you could….pray for the peace of Hyrule…"

Link glared at the old man, "Pray? Don't you mean _pay_ for peace?"

"No! If you continue to pray for peace, the spirit of love will descend upon you…"

Link rolled his eyes, "You try to get rupees out of me every time I walk by here, I'm not paying this time. The '_spirit of love_' isn't going to save Hyrule."

He frowned, "You know, if anything you all should be paying _me_. I'm the one who has the Master Sword….."

The old man merely stared at him and Link waved a hand at him and walked away, "Never mind…"

* * *

><p>Author's Note:<p>

This guy, he just bugs me...I imagine it worse then it is in the real game. I think he haggles everyone for money as they walk by. My brother has taken to calling him "pay for peace dude."


	10. Danger! OoT

The Forest Temple, with it's Poe inhabitants, had a way of playing tricks with shadows and noises, so Link had taken to keeping his sword out at any given time. Right now he was working on opening one of the doors. It opened with a creak, and he slid into the room beyond, silently.

"_Watch out_!" Navi cried.

Link whirled around and slashed his sword, expecting it to connect with something vile. Instead, it clanged against a metal torch and he winced from the noise and the vibration.

The torch remained burning and unaffected.

He turned to glare at his fairy.

"Thanks Navi, that inanimate object was really dangerous."

* * *

><p>Author's Note:<p>

This is a true story. This happened exactly like this to my brother last time he played Ocarina. lol, and that torch WAS really dangerous, I'm sure.


	11. Mail WW

Link was glad Quill had stepped in to try and help him convince the pirates that he had to go with them since he wasn't having any luck on his own.

"If you had never come to this island, then Link's sister wouldn't have been grabbed by that bird. Grabbed by mistake, as well, because it was after you. And haven't you heard rumors about all girls with long ears disappearing?"

Tetra crossed her arms, "How do you know all of this?"

"I open the mail I deliver."

Link blinked and exchanged a worried look with the pirate captain.

* * *

><p>Author's Note:<p>

I never really thought about how Quill knows all this stuff until the last time we played this game...and then I found his explantion of 'overhearing things while delivering mail' to be...silly. Then my brother says, "Nah, he just opens the mail"


	12. Partnership TP

Another freed monkey jumped to join his friends as Link and Midna watched on.

"Looks like there's still some monkeys missing. We should try and find them to see what we get."

Link glanced at her with a blank expression.

"I was concerned about how this partnership would work, Midna."

She looked mildly worriedly at his statement.

He smiled and slung an arm around her shoulders, "But I can see now that you and I are going to get along great. I, personally, am hoping for an empty bottle upon helping these monkeys."

* * *

><p>Author's Note:<p>

Midna's line in the game here about helping to find out what you get makes me laugh...why else help people unless your going to get something? Altohugh, one reviewing says Link needs to stop this because people walk all over him...which is also true. :)


	13. Time OoT, TP, SS

Rauru, one of the ancient sages, had just explained everything about the sacred realm and the gate of time and a bunch of other stuff Link was only half listening too. He was much to busy trying to cope with the fact he was now an adult.

"Oh, and you have to be out of this chamber in about ten minutes." Rauru said.

Link looked up, "Huh? Wait, what? Why do I have to leave right now?"

"Because," the sage explained, "a future hero is coming through here to get the Dominion Rod, and also I have to make sure that he, and you, don't meet a past hero that needs to use the gate of time to travel to the _really_ distant past to stop an evil on the surface world."

Link stared at him blankly.

Navi bobbed up and down, "_Err, I think we should just listen to the old man. I mean, this is the Temple of Time, after all_."

"I hate time travel…"

* * *

><p>Author's Note:<p>

I like the fact that the Temple of Time is a castle in TP, but I couldn't stop thinking about time travel and how mcuh that's actually in the games...and then this idea hit me. It makes a certain kind of sense, too...


	14. Treasure WW

Niko had made the stupid mistake of challenging Link to some sort of obstacle course. Normally Link would have just ignored it, but then the pirate mentioned a prize and he thought better of it. Especially after seeing what Niko wanted him to do.

It looked pretty easy, and after the first try he landed on the other side and put his hands on his hips.

Niko stared at him dumbfounded, "You…wait, was that your first try?"

"Yup, now where's that prize you promised?"

The pirate looked around, his expression worried.

Link sighed, "You thought you'd have more time to come up with something, didn't you?"

"Oh, shut up! Just take what's in that chest!" Niko snapped, moving from the door.

The room behind him was filled with barrels and one chest, making Link stop and ask over his shoulder, "Wait, is this like, the only treasure you guys have?"

Niko didn't reply, and the hero rolled his eyes, "You guys are the worst pirates ever!"

His statement was proved any more true when he saw what was inside the chest.

"Are you serious? Is this the only treasure you have?" Link asked, looking around the empty room.

Niko averted his eyes, "Shut up!"

* * *

><p>Author's Note:<p>

I just...laugh when Niko tells Link to do this stupid course because it's pretty easy. And really, have you noticed as their pirate ship has NO treasure at all on it? There's this chest that I wrote about and...that's it. This just needed to written...lol.


	15. Blackmail MM

Japas flipped his fishtail hair, "Dude! That was radical! But…how will we get Evan to agree to play our song?"

Link shrugged, "I'll go play the song for him and he'll think it's his idea…or something."

He ran from the room and down the hall, pausing for a moment while trying to remember which room was Evan's. When he entered, he removed the Zora mask and wandered over, pulling out his ocarina and playing the 'jam session' on it. Evan stopped hitting the same keys on his piano and then exclaimed, "It works!"

Link watched, bored, as he readjusted the piano and plunked out the song a few times.

He finally glanced back at the human kid and spoke, "You've got a good sense of music, kid. Don't think I'm stealing this song or anything,"

Link grinned, "Oh, I know you wouldn't do that. I know that you're going to pay me for this song."

Evan crossed his arms, "Why would I do that?"

"One word; lawsuit."

Link left the room smiling and admiring his new piece of heart.

* * *

><p>Author's Note:<p>

This is how I believe this scene plays out in the game. I don't have much else to say about it since I think it speaks for it's self! :)

But, I must give a big thank you to all the readers, reviewers and everyone. I'm so glad you guys like these and I promise to keep them coming!


	16. WolfBunny TP, LttP

"I hate being in wolf form," Link whined, brushing dirt off himself, "it's just so frustrating."

Midna rolled her eyes, annoyed with his complaining, "It could be worse."

"True," he said, fixing his hat, "I could turn into a bunny."

The twilight princess blinked, "Huh?"

"A bunny. Like in the Dark World."

Her expression was blank.

Link frowned, "I'm not sure why I said that, but I do remember a bunny…never mind. I get your point, it could be worse."

* * *

><p>Author's Note:<p>

As much as I find wolf Link to be hard to control, he is way cooler then bunny Link from Link to the Past. You couldn't even draw your sword! And the bunny looked pink. Wolf is cooler than bunny, period.


	17. Ordeals TP, WW, OoT, LttP

Bruised, battered and completely out of items but somehow still alive, Link made his way to the sparkling pool of water at the last floor of the Cave of Ordeals.

He had to admit, he had managed to impress himself with making it this far, and even Midna who rarely said anything nice made a comment about how had hadn't died.

Well, technically he had, but that's what fairies were for anyway.

The sparkles turned into the barely dressed great fairy, who stood in the ankle deep water and blinked a few times.

"I'm impressed by your courage, take this as a sign of completing the ordeals in this cave."

She handed him a bottle filled with purple liquid.

Link stared at it for a second.

"Are you kidding me?" he asked, looking up at her sharply, "I went through all of that and you give me _great fairy tears_?"

She looked slightly annoyed, "They are a very good item!"

"I used a bottle of these to get down here!"

"Then you broke even!"

"No, I didn't because I also used two fairies, a rare chu jelly, all my arrows, most of my bombs and half my rupees!" Link argued, waving his arm back in the direction of the doorway.

The great fairy's look was dull, "My, aren't we whiny."

"Hey!" he said, offended, "I fought three Ironknukles, lady, don't get all high and mighty with me!"

She glared at him and he continued his rant, "Last time I got a heart piece _and_ a triforce chart."

"I've also released fairies to all the springs of light around the world," the woman said haughtily.

Link gave a false smile, "Oh goody, fairies! It's not like I can't just break some pots and get those!"

They stared at each other, eyes narrowed into glares.

"I'm sending you back to surface."

"Fine!"

She waved her hand and he disappeared in a flurry of light only to reappear in the sands of the desert.

"_Great job_," Midna said, speaking from his shadow, "_you managed to piss off the great fairy._"

"Ah, I haven't liked her since she screeched and had creepy spots all over her. She was so much cooler when she was fat."

"_Still, that was a giant waste of time_."

Link glared at his feet, "Shut up and warp me somewhere I can restock."

* * *

><p>Author's Note:<p>

Did anyone else feel completely let down by the Great Fairy's 'prize'? It's like, whatever lady! lol. I guess you have to just do the cave to get bragging rights...And yes, those are refrences to the creepy fairies in Ocarina, and Link to teh Past for the 'fat' fairy who was really pretty...in fact, the last pretty great fairy in the games, I think.

On another note, if you return to the Cave of Ordeals after beating it once, the Ironknuckles multiply. As in, there are FOUR in the bottom room. I made the mistake of wanting to try the cave because I'd never done it before and went on my brother's cleared game...oh my gosh...I paused and looked at him and was like "Why are there FOUR" Heh, yes...a fun time was had by all...sort of. I did win (With a little help).


	18. Auction WW

Link had been to the auction many times. The first time he'd ever been he had almost won a treasure chart only to loose at the last second to some woman next to him. He'd glared at her for an hour afterwards. Really, what was she going to do with it, anyway?

But tonight he would exact his revenge.

The King of red Lions wouldn't have let him come simply to do something so cruel, so he'd lied and said there was a Triforce chart here.

"Tonight's item is this fabulous joy pendant!"

Link grinned evilly.

A matter of moments later, the gavel banged down and announced the winner; the same woman who had first outbid him. How much was she paying tonight?

Quite dearly. Link had pushed the price up to 980 rupees, and because these people were so competitive, they had continued onward until the joy pendant was selling for 999.

He chuckled to himself as he watched the woman fork over what was probably her life savings.

"_Don't mess with the wielder of the Master Sword_."

* * *

><p>Author's Note: I love Link's expression when someone out-bids him at the auction...he looks SO mad! lol, the best is when he glares at the old ladies...;) And yes, it is possible to make these people bid 999 rupees on a Joy Pendant! Try it, its so funny.<p> 


	19. Malo Mart TP

Link had heard that the Malo Mart branch in castle town was open, and since he'd help pay for it, he made a special trip into the crowded town, for once not to scare people in his wolf form, just to check it out.

He entered the store and immediately grimaced. There was a cheery, upbeat tune playing at an obnoxious volume. The walls were decorated with garish posters in frightening color combinations and there was a overall air of happy. But the most terrifying thing of all was the people. They were dancing, singing to the music and randomly shouting out; "Buy it!"

The man at the front had a spinning hat on and was doing the moonwalk. Link took a step back, and the another, and finally backed out of the store into the street.

He breathed a sigh of relief at being back in reality.

"What was _that_?"

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Malo Mart...I really have no way to describe the first time I saw THIS. I was laughing and fearful all at the same time. And seriously, what are they saying? (There is a very funny video online about crazy Zelda characters and Malo Mart is featured, by the way. VERY funny) But yes, I suspect that Link secretly hates going into the store!<p>

The first line...about being in wolf form...please tell me everyone reading has done that; entered castle town as the wolf? If not, go turn on your game right now and DO IT! So much un...in a sick sort of way...heheheheheeeee...poor people living in Hyrule.


	20. Leave it! MM, LA

"Leaveee it, leaveee it! Leave me something small and creepy!"

Link crossed his arms, "If you had just said creepy, I would have handed you a mirror…I'll be back."

He started to back track through the gloom, "Hmm…where's a good place to get a bug?"

* * *

><p>There always seemed to be something boiling on the stove at the Stock Pot Inn, and it never looked like food. Link watched a bug scurry across the floor and wrinkled his nose, "This is the most disgusting inn I have ever seen."<p>

* * *

><p>"Here's your bug, now shoo."<p>

"Thisss! Thisss is what I wanted! I bare you no remorse!"

Link watched him dissolve into nothingness and wondered aloud, "'I bare you no remorse'? What does that even mean?"

* * *

><p>"Leaveee it, leaveee it! Leave me something glowing and pretty!" the gibdo cried.<p>

Link threw open his hands, "I don't have another fairy! I gave it to the guy about four doors back!"

His eyes slowly traveled to the erratically flying ball of light over his shoulder that was Tatl.

"…But if you give me one second…"

* * *

><p>The mummy barely lifted his head and screeched, "Leaveee it, leaveee it! Leave me…H…2...O!"<p>

"Water? That's what's keeping you from crossing over? Water?" Link exclaimed.

He turned to walk away and muttered to himself, "Stupid moon…stupid well…stupid skull kid…"

* * *

><p>The gibdo faded and the bars on the door lifted, letting Link wander into the room, where he stopped and tipped his head to one side. There was a tree growing in the middle; how it was there without any light, he didn't know. But the strangest thing in the room was the cow that looked up when he entered.<p>

"Huh…how'd you get in here?"

The cow mooed and Link walked over, patting her head, "This just keeps getting weirder and weirder."

Pulling out his ocarina, Link played the familiar melody of Epona's song, figuring that since cows back in Hyrule liked it, this cow might as well.

It proved to be true and he was rewarded by the cow looking at him and mooing again. But then it made a decidedly sultry sound and winked.

Link stared for a second and then closed his eyes, "I _really_ need to get some sleep…"

* * *

><p>There were three doors in this room that could be opened, and Link randomly pointed at one, "Um…that one,"<p>

He trudged over and put his hands on his hips, waiting for the demand of the annoying mummy.

"Leaveee it, leaveee it! Leave me twenty explosions!"

An evil smirk came to Link's face as he pulled a bomb out, "Explosions? That I can do."

He lit the fuse and handed it to the gibdo, "Here you go!"

The mummy took it, and Link took a step back just as the blue object blew up in the monster's face.

The bars on the door didn't lift.

Link rolled his eyes, "Fine, fine…I'll leave and come back…good thing their already dead…"

* * *

><p>It was already the night of the second day and Link was still wandering around the underground well maze, slowly getting more and more annoyed by the gibdos that lived here. Or died here, rather.<p>

He had left several times to go and collect things, which ate up his time, as well as gotten lost once or twice, a fact Tatl wouldn't shut up about.

Now he stood in front of another mummy who cried, "Leaveee it, leaveee it!"

"Yeah, yeah, what's it going to be this time?" Link asked, inspecting his nails.

"Leave me something deliciously fresh!"

Link stared up at him and blinked.

"…That could be anything. Can you be a bit more specific?"

The monster shivered, "If you don't have it, then you are of no use to meee!"

"I didn't say that!" Link snapped back.

He started rummaging through his stuff.

"Green potion?"

The mummy shook his head.

"Red potion?"

The mummy shook his head again.

"…Magic beans?"

The mummy gave him a blank stare.

"Bombchus?"

There was no reply.

"Um…Deku Sticks?"

The mummy screeched a negative.

Link pulled out a bottle with a fish in it, "Why do I even have this?"

"Thisss!" the mummy exclaimed.

"Seriously?" he mumbled, handing the fish over.

* * *

><p>"Leaveee it, leaveee it! Leave me a Yoshi Doll!"<p>

"A what?"

"A Yoshi Doll!"

"What's a Yoshi?"

"Yoshi Doll!"

Link made a straggling motion with his hands before replying sharply, "I do not have a Yoshi Doll!"

"I want Yoshi!"

"I don't have that, it's from a different game! But I do, apparently, have a Zora Egg still, you want that?"

Tatl made that annoying ringing sound and Link swatted her out of his face, "Not now."

"_But_-"

Link swatted her again, just as the gibdo whined, "If you don't have it, then you are of no use to meee!"

Link glared at the creature in front of him and reached for his sword just as Tatl rang again, "_I can't believe you! That Zora Egg is a person_!"

"Relax, I'm just going to have to go back in time after this anyway and that Zora Egg will be back with the pirates."

Tatl huffed, "_You're a horrible person_!"

"This, coming from you. Laughable."

"_Shut up_!"

Link sighed, "I guess I'll have to back track and go a different route since I don't know where a Yoshi is…"

"_You'll have to go past the spikes again_," Tatl reminded him.

He groaned and she giggled.

* * *

><p>Link peered closer at the gibdo, "Are you sure your not that guy from back there? I could've sworn he had the bandage in the same place as you…"<p>

* * *

><p>"Leaveee it, leaveee it! Leave me something magically delicious!"<p>

Link stared at the gibdo, hand flexing and un-flexing. The bells for the night of the third day went off.

In a flash Link pulled his sword and started hacking at the gidbo, "Here's something _magically delicious _you stupid mummy!"

After the enemy fell, he whipped around and narrowed his eyes at another zombie.

"What are you looking at?"

He pulled the bow out and armed a fire arrow.

"Huh, who knew if you burned a gidbo it turned into a plain re-dead."

Link shrugged and shot it again.

After the smoking had stopped, Link put his bow away and pulled out his ocarina.

"_Do you feel better_?" Tatl asked.

He sighed, "I don't know, I have to do this whole thing again."

* * *

><p>Author's Note:<p>

This is the scene that started this entire fic, actually. Last time my brother was playing MM we had WAY too much fun with the underground well. See, he has a map somewhere of how to go and what to give each mummy, but he lost it, and so this time it was trial and error...lots of error. He kept having to go through the spikes and finally woul just run though with Link loosing hearts. My brother needed a bug at one point and said, "Where am I supposed to find that?" I suggested the Inn ;)

I made it over the top in this fic, but it's pretty close to what we were doing...along with lots of laughing.

If you burn a Gibdo they do turn into normal re-deads. The Yoshi doll is a refrence to Link's Awakening, the Gameboy game, in which there is a trading game. The Yoshi doll is part of that trading game.


	21. Giftshop TP

Link entered the main Twilight Palace with his glowing sword at the ready.

There was a jingle that made him jump, and then a robotic female voice announced; "Welcome to the Twilight Palace! Please enjoy your stay and visit our gift shop, including a Subway restaurant and a Farore Bucks coffee store!"

Midna looked around, "That's new, Zant must had added it. I approve."

Link sheathed his sword, "I _am_ hungry, and I could go for a coffee, too."

* * *

><p>Author's Note:<p>

This...is completely silly, I know. But really, EVERYWHERE has a gift shop including a starbucks and subway, why not in Zelda?


	22. Bug Catching Net LttP

"You can't hope to defeat me!" Agahnim cried, throwing open his arms.

Link pulled out his boomerang and threw it, only to have the wizard teleport out of the way. Next he tried blocked with his shield as some lightning was shot at him. Link, while hiding behind his shield in the corner of the room where he apparently couldn't get hurt, looked through his other items, "Lantern, no, that's not going to work…"

He reached for his sword, but grabbed the bug catching net instead and swung it with his eyes closed.

The magical bolt was deflected back at the wizard.

Link looked down at the net, "Seriously?"

He tried it again, and Agahnim was hit with his own magic once it was sent back to him.

"Who knew!" Link exclaimed, waving the flimsy bug catching net around, "Now I'm really not scared of you…"

"You should be!"

"Well, I'm not! I bet I could beat you with this bug catching net!"

The wizard laughed, "I bet you a hundred rupees you couldn't!"

"Your on!"

When the wizard fell, he looked at the item in his hands and then back up, "You owe me a hundred rupees, Agahnim."

* * *

><p>Author's Note:<p>

YES, YES and YES, you CAN use the bug catching net to defeat him in dead man's volly...I am not kidding, and it's actually easier than trying to use your sword, because Link spins in a circle when using the net and just sweeps his sword.


	23. Ally of Justice! WW

"Hoy small fry!" the talking fish exclaimed. Link rolled his eyes at the nickname but held out his sea chart regardless.

After marking another island on the map, the fish started babbling about…something. Link had long since stopped listening to his 'tips'.

"…safe with cash inside…"

The hero perked up, "Money?"

"Yeah! The safe at the outdoor shop in Windfall! It's there, day and night, and I'm sure the thing is full of cash!" the fish explained.

Link thoughtful stroked his chin, "Hmm….Windfall, eh?"

"Stealing is wrong!" the King of Red Lions said, shaking his head.

With a sigh, Link frowned and put the sail back up, "I guess…"

* * *

><p>"Tingle wants five hundred to translate the Triforce Chart." Link informed his boat, glaring at the Tingle Tower behind him.<p>

There was a pause, and then, "Where was that safe again?"

"Huh? What…oh, you mean the one on Windfall where the honest thing to do was stop the thief?"

"Yes, that one, now we set sail for Windfall!" the King of Red Lions announced.

* * *

><p>Link watched the blonde haired girl walk away from the safe after having talked her out of stealing what was inside. The moment she was out of sight, Link knelt down and started messing with the door, although he quickly realized he couldn't get it open. He placed and bomb and ran for cover, although that didn't work either.<p>

"What is this thing made out of?" he said, annoyed. Then a thought occurred to him.

Within ten minutes he had pulled his boat into the harbor nearest the safe and attached the hook of the grapple to the front of the door. Link ran around the counter and called down to the boat, "Now, King of Red Lions!"

The boat launched into full speed, tugging the line of the grappling hook. The safe shook, and then snapped out of the ground and was drug across the dirt until it fell into the ocean.

Link ran over and watched the line sink into the depths, leading the boat to tip dangerously.

"Pull it up like any other treasure!"

"It's too heavy!"

Link put his hands on his hips, "What kind of magical boat are you?"

The King of Red Lions dipped below the waves, and then resurfaced without any sign of the safe.

Link sighed heavily and frowned, "Now where am I supposed to get money from?"

* * *

><p>Author's Note:<p>

It makes me laugh everytime...ALLY OF JUSTICE! lol. The first time my brother played through this game and got this scene he joked that Link would then try and steal from the safe, and that has always stuck with me. Besides, Tingle DOES ask for a lot of money to do...what, exactly?


	24. Music TP, MM

"That is not the right song." Midna complained.

Link turned his head to glare at her. He couldn't talk in this form but if he could have, he would have said, "_No duh_,"

The howling stone was playing what he knew was the Prelude to Light but every time he howled it, nothing happened.

"Can't you hear it? It goes like this." his shadowy friend started humming and he growled.

She rolled her eyes, "Okay, okay, don't get like that. Just hurry up already."

Link tried again and nothing happened. He glared at the rock.

"_The only way this could be worse is if it was the Elegy of Emptiness_."

* * *

><p>Author's Note:<p>

My brother was having such a hard time with this one singing stone this time around in TP. It was pretty funny. I could hear him through the wall and I went into his room and was like "It's THIS song" (I don't remember which one,) and he says, "I know! But the game doesn't think I'm playing it right!"

And, my brother also hates the Elegy of Emptiness. He made a cheat sheet for it. ;)


	25. Magic Beans OoT

The guy selling 'magic beans' by the river was a bit strange, but Link had discovered that his products were useful in getting heart pieces, so he'd come to buy some.

Now, he just had to decide how many.

"Let's see…I need one for Death Mountain crater, one for the graveyard, one for outside the Spirit Temple, one for…no, wait, I don't need one for Death Mountain trail, because I can actually jump off to get to that one…"

He paused, and then sighed loudly, "Great, now I lost count."

"One for Death Mountain crater," he said, counting off his fingers, "one for the graveyard, one for outside of the Spirit Temple, one for outside the…no, I can use the scarecrow for that one."

Link frowned, "I lost count again…"

"One for Death Mountain crater, one for the graveyard, one for…"

Navi started flying erratically around his had and he glared at her, "I lost count, stop it!"

"_Hurry up and buy some_!"

"I don't know how many!"

Link took a calming breath and began again, "Death Mountain crater, graveyard, outside the Spirit Temple and…"

The man chomping on his the same items he was selling, spoke up, "Look, are you going to buy some or what? I have things to do…"

"Ugh!" Link said, throwing up his hands, "Fine, fine, everyone just rush me. I'll just take six."

The beans were handed over and the hero glared at his fairy, "You'd better hope this is enough."

* * *

><p>Author's Note: True story, my brother ALWAYS counts the places to plant beans standing in front of the guy.(A lot of the heart pieces can actually be gotten without beans,)<p>

So, one time I was watching him count and I pid attension to how many he said, and wrote up a little note. When he finished the game and put it away in the box, I slipped the note in with the game. The next time he opened it up, the note fell out. It read as follows; "For God's sake, buy 6 beans, don't count the places!" lol...we had a laugh, especially since I forgot I put it in there...and then my brother proceeded to count the places to make sure I was correct when I said 6.


	26. I know you have bugs TP

Agaitha, the self proclaimed queen of the insect kingdom, handed over another purple rupee.

"Ah, little beetle, little beetle, I bet your pinchers feel so nice!"

Link took a step back from her.

He decided to split while she was stroking her new additions to her kingdom.

If she didn't pay so much for them, he wouldn't be caught dead in her house.

He backed up slowly, keeping one eye on her.

Reaching behind him, he turned the door knob and went to leave, only to hear her hiss, "I know you have bugs…"

Link shut the door and breathed a sigh of relief to be outside. She was just so…creepy.

"It's safe, I'm done for now." he said, glancing at a potted plant nearby.

Midna slipped out of the shadow of the pot and shuddered, "I don't know how you can go in! She's so…creepy!"

"You can stare down Twilight Beasts but you can't handle Agaitha? She's like twelve." Link teased.

Midna glared at him, "Twilight Beasts I get. Her, I just don't. I'll go anywhere with you but into her house."

* * *

><p>Author's Note:<p>

I HAD to do one about Agaitha...she freaks me out! "I know you have bugs..." AHHHHHH CREEPY! And the idea about Midna being scared of her? just a funny idea. :)

But really, what does she do with all those bugs? Surely it's for some sinster purpose...


	27. Picture WW, MM

Link snapped a picture and Tetra gave him a weird look, splashing through the water towards the castle.

"Why did you just take a picture?"

"I need to trade you for a seahorse." he replied without missing a beat. After the fact he paused and looked confused, "Wait, that doesn't sound quite right…but I remember someone saying they wanted a picture of a female pirate…"

Tetra continued to stare at him and he rubbed his head, "I'm confused now…"

"Your weird."

* * *

><p>Author's Note:<p>

100 + reviews! YAY! Thanks everyone :) And now...*Shameless plug* Has anyone happened to see if they want to read my other fanfictions? *End of Shameless Plug*

This was actually my brother's idea. He was playing WW and took a picture of Tetra and then said, out loud, "And now I shall trade you for a sea horse!" I laughed, and thus this chapter was born.

Thanks again everyone!


	28. For the Plot! TP

Shad was overly excited when Link handed him the book with the sky writing in it, and the hero watched him 'chant' with the book to try and revive the statue.

"_Do you think he knows what he's doing_?" Midna whispered from his shadow.

"No." Link replied, shaking his head. In fact, he wasn't even sure if Shad was faking it well.

Disappointed, the scholar lowed the book and started to head towards the ladder leading out of the cellar. Link watched him, confused, "Hey, where you going?"

"Well, the words didn't work, so I must now leave for no good reason." Shad said.

Midna popped out and watched him leave, "Good thing, now you can use the Dominion Rod to move the statue!"

Link frowned, but pulled out his weapon anyway, "Very…convenient."

Once the statue was moved, they entered the chamber beyond and saw a giant cannon.

Link gestured to it and sarcastically announced, "The world is saved."

"Oh my!"

He turned and saw Shad standing there, "This is amazing! But how did you move that statue?"

"Umm…"

Shad ran over and started babbling about cannons and sky people and other things that Link really didn't care about.

"Midna, can you transport this?"

"_Yes, but not while that guy is watching_."

The hero sighed and looked over at Shad, who was still yakking.

"He's not going to go anywhere a second time for no reason."

"_I don't know, he might_."

Link shook his head and started towards the other man, "We don't have time for this."

He pulled out the Master Sword and bonked Shad over the head with the hilt.

"Link!" Midna scolded, "What was that for?"

The hero shrugged defensively, "He wasn't going to leave a second time for convenience of plot! I had to do something."

Midna looked displeased but turned her attention to the cannon.

* * *

><p>Author's Note:<p>

I always thought this whole scene with Shad and the cannon was weird...I mean, he leaves, and then comes back...? It just seems like the game devolpers couldn't make it work so had him act all weird. Link knocking him out makes more sense. lol, poor Shad...;)


	29. Wings? WW, SS

"Oh look," the King of Red Lions said, "the Triforce symbol!"

Link tensed, waiting for the inevitable factoid to accompany this exclamation. The boat had a knack for blurting out useless trivia that Link could care less about. It usually had something to do with the old Hyrule.

"Do you know why the Triforce symbol has wings?"

"No, but I'm sure you want to tell me," the boy replied with thinly veiled sarcasm.

Ignoring the comment, his boat did continue, "It's because, a long, long time ago-"

"Before or after the flood?"

"Before,"

"Before or after the creepy mask thing,"

"Before,"

"Before of after the Hero of Time?"

"Before, but what does it matter?"

Link held up his hands, "I'm just trying to keep everything straight, is all…"

The King of Red Lions frowned, but said nothing more.

"Anyway, as I was saying, a long, long time ago, people used to live in the sky."

Link stopped looking at his sea chart and peeked over it's edge to fix his boat with a dubious look.

If he noticed, he didn't show it.

"They rode birds, which is why the wings appear on the symbol and the Master Sword was a different sword, and then it became the Master Sword after finding some songs, or flames, and…"

Link's already skeptical look intensified and he frowned, having to interject in this ridiculous sounding story.

"Did they, in this _magical_ land in the sky, ride unicorns across the rainbow bridge of Asgard to obtain the power of gray skull and become the highlander? There can be only one, you know."

The boat stared at him for a second.

"Are you mocking me?"

"No." Link deadpanned.

The boat swiveled his head back around and continued, "Also, there were kiwi people…"

* * *

><p>Author's Note:<p>

Before anyone gets insulted about me making fun of Skyward Sword(And no, I haven't played it,) do the following; Say the plot of any Zelda game, out loud, in 3 sentances or less. Trust me, they ALL sound silly when you do!

However, it did always bother me that there were wings on the Triforce symbol when birds don't appear in anything (beyond the goose inb LttP) important and there's no legends or anything. Then Skyward Sword and...TADA! I get why there's wings now :)


	30. KooLamphPoo! MM

Tingle threw confetti at Link, who cringed, and then the weird little midget guy shouted, "Koo-lamph-po!"

The hero flicked a pink piece of confetti, that clashed with his green tunic, off his shoulder in annoyance as the Tingle leaned forward and whispered, "Those are magical words, don't steal them."

"…I don't think there's much chance of that."

* * *

><p>Author's Note:<p>

I HAD to make fun of Tingle...he deserves a million fics to touch on his...weirdness. And his 'magical words' are just silly.


	31. Onward to mail! TP, MM

Link found the postman the most annoying person in the world at the moment. He was always yelling and delivering mail that Link really didn't care to read, not to mention it was creepy how he always knew where he was.

Thus, he was standing near the edge of a cliff just outside Kakariko Village. Midna was impatient, "_What are we doing again_?"

"We're trying to kill the postman."

"_Why_?"

Link sighed, "He annoys me. I had to wait all the way until the moon was falling because he was having some sort of crisis…He made me do the Kafei event for a third time!"

"…_I have no idea what your talking about_."

"We're killing him."

"HEEEEEEY! MISTER LINK, WAIT!"

Link winced from the loud cry and glared in the direction of the noise. Running in the dorky way that only one man could, the postman approached.

He inched a little closer to the cliff, hoping that the postman would slip and fall.

But alas, not such luck. Instead, the postman stopped in front of him an handed him a Malo Mart bill.

"Thanks…" Link said sarcastically, tossing the letter into the chasm next to them without opening it.

"Onward to mail!"

* * *

><p>Author's Note:<p>

I don't know why, but out opf every Zelda character, I really hate the postman...there's other characters that annoy me, but he is one of the worse! There is a glitch in TP that allows you to 'kill' him. I can't get it to trigger, but I've watched a couple videos online. He runs off a cliff if you do it right...heheheheee. And yes, the Kafei event. 3 times? REALLY Zelda? WHY? It's a time consuming mess.


	32. Sounds Funny TP, SS

Gannon laughed as Midna used the power of the fused shadows.

"Only the power of the sword that has an artificial intelligence in it and the essence of a past evil can defeat me!"

He made a face, "That sounds ridiculous when you say it out loud…"

* * *

><p>Author's Note: I had to get Gannon into at least one of these! And I know, I'm making fun of Skyward Sword again...I'm sorry, but this was just something I was thinking about...it's actually a cool idea, that there's a spirit inside the Master Sword, but when you say it THIS way...Haha.<p>

Just a short one today, but don't worry, there's more to come!


	33. Actually TP, SS

Gannon stumbled backwards a few steps, the Master Sword embedded up to the hilt in his already wounded chest.

Link gestured to it, "I'm going to need my sword back so I can replace it into the pedestal of time so another hero can play it out and use the sword that has an artificial intelligence in it and the essence of a past evil."

He blinked and turned to Zelda, "That really does sound ridiculous when you say it out loud."

"This isn't over," Gannon said ominously.

Zelda shrugged, "Well, actually, you don't appear after this, so…"

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Kind of a follow-up to the last post, and Zelda's line at the end...I said that last time my brother finished Twilight Princess. Poor, Gannon...poor, poor him...<p> 


	34. Spinner TP

Link threw back the top of the treasure chest and excitedly bent down to find out what his prize would be.

He pulled it out and held in front of himself.

"…What is it?" he asked to the open air.

It was some sort of…device in a circular shape with what looked like spikes on the bottom and prongs on the outside.

Link blinked and glanced down at his feet, "Midna, what is this?"

"Why would you ask me?" the imp girl said as she popped out of his shadow, "I don't know what half the garbage you pick up is for."

She circled the object, "Huh, it says 'Spinner' in ancient Hylian on there, so I guess that's what it is."

Link flipped it over in his hands, "But what is _for_?"

Midna shrugged.

He held it up, "Is it a…shield?"

He shook his head, "No, there's no way to hold it…"

Link set it on the ground and it promptly rolled a little since the base wasn't flat.

He picked it up, "Not it either…"

"Ah, Link, enemy," Midna said, pointing to their right. A skeleton was running towards them, sword drawn.

Link glanced down at the item in his hands, "Maybe it's…"

He threw it at the monster, effectively knocking it's head off it's body. He shook his head, "No, that's not it either."

He armed a bomb arrow and finished off the enemy and then walked over to retrieve the mystery device.

"So, what now?" Midna asked, hovering close by.

Link shrugged, "Well, I'll carry it around until I figure out what it's supposed to be for. There's a reason it was in here, I guess."

He started to walk away and tripped over a random bone laying on the ground. The Spinner slipped from his hands and rolled down the incline until it hit the wall. Mysteriously it attached to some grooves in the wall and started to move up the track, out of view.

"…I wouldn't have guessed that," Midna commented, watching it disappear.

It circled back down and Link's eyes followed it, before he remarked, "That is…kind of stupid."

* * *

><p>Author's Note:<p>

Sorry for the later update!

The first time my brother and I played Twilight Princess, he opened up this treasure and seriously, we stared at the screen and he's like "What the..." And then we were laughing because it IS kind of stupid. Funny little weapons they created for this game, I think. My favorite is killing monsters on Hyrule Field with it. Hahahaaa


	35. Evil Aura ST

Today was supposed to be normal, so Link was surprised when Princess Zelda, who had met only ten minutes ago, pulled him aside to talk.

"I don't trust chancellor Cole," the princess admitted.

Link blinked, "Oh, you mean the leprechaun looking guy? Yeah, he's pretty creepy."

"Then you sensed his dark aura?" she said, sounding surprised and impressed.

Link looked around the room, "Um…yeah, sure whatever, his _aura_. Also the double top hats and the squinting eyes were pretty creepy. Not to mention that maniacal grin on his face."

Zelda nodded, "His aura is strange." she agreed, acting as if he hadn't anything else. Link just shook his head.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: I had a request for a Spirit Tracks one, and indeed I would like to add a funny from each and every game, but I haven't played ST. I've been reading walkthroughs and then I saw the picture for Cole and I was like "Woah, he looks evil." Thus, this was born!<p> 


	36. Smartphone SS

Wondering around the surface was starting to annoy Link, and he finally stopped and pulled his sword out.

"Fi, where's the nearest heart piece?"

"_I FoUnD TwO hEaRt PiEcEs FaIrLy ClOsE tO yOu_." she responded, popping up a map with glowing dots.

"Oh, cool…thanks."

He continued along, pleased with her assistance but then thinking of something else.

"What does a Kiwi look like?" he asked.

A blurry image filtered into the sword, "_I fOuNd ThIs FoR yOu_."

He squinted at it, "Okay, so that's a kiwi."

Link walked a few more steps and then frowned as a sudden thought occurred to him.

"Remind me that I hate the postman." he said, looking down at the sword again.

Fi replied, "_OkAy, I wIlL rEmInD yOu_."

Link nodded, thinking that his sword did everything. It was pretty awesome.

But things could always be more awesome.

"From now on, call me L Dogg."

The sword shimmered, "_FrOm NoW oN I wIlL cAlL yOu L Dogg, OkAy_?"

Link grinned, "Okay.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Fi just reminds me of those creepy phones that talk to you...they freak me out. And, my brother will sometimes name Link 'L Dogg'...which, is pretty funny when playing the game.<p> 


	37. More Treasure WW

Link had been expecting to sneak on board the pirate ship in the dead of night, fight his way past Niko and steal the bombs needed to find the final pearl.

He hadn't been expecting to get invited on board and offered the bombs.

If he could complete another rope-swinging-platform-jumping puzzle, of course.

Link agreed quickly and ignored Niko as he insisted that he would never do it.

The first try was a success and Link landed next him smugly.

The pirate's face was priceless.

"Bombs?"

He sighed and pointed at the single chest in the back of the room.

Link took his prize and walked by Niko, patting his shoulder as he went, and then returned to the other side of the room. Before he left, however, he paused and glanced back and went and hit the switch, making all the platforms and the ladder, disappear.

"Hey, wait!" Niko called.

"See you! Hope Tetra doesn't kill you!" Link yelled, waving and then snickering to himself.

"Worst pirates ever…"

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Since I've been a little short on updates to this story lately, I have uploaded 2 chapters! This one is sort of a follow up to a previous chapter, but I had to put in there how you can trap Niko on the other side with no way to get back. It's amusing, and I can picture the fit Tetra would throw when she gets back in.<p> 


	38. Showdown TP

Link drew his blade. It was time to finally face Zant, one on one. The usurper king drew his two swords and there was a tense pause as they prepared for battle.

Then Zant hopped on his feet and thrashing his arms in what looked like a tantrum.

Link blinked and watched him dance around the edge of the battlefield like a madman, arms cutting at air in frantic strokes.

"Midna," the hero said, still watching his foe, "What the heck is wrong with him?"

She sighed and popped out of his shadow, "And he wonders why the Twili didn't make him king…"

* * *

><p>Author's Note: I cannot be the only one who finds Zant's fighting style...laughable. The first time I saw this fight, I laughed, so hard...in fact, he is so goffy that even if he hits you, it's funny! Poor Zant, trying to be scary when he's not...<p> 


	39. Gone OoT

Link rushed through the Lost Woods, moving by memory through the tunnels, racing against time to deliver the weird looking medicine he'd had made.

He skidded to a halt in a clearing were a few stumps were scattered about and looked around.

There was no sign of the man the medicine was for, only a blonde Kokri girl who was humming.

"Um…hey, where's the zombie looking emo guy who used to sit here?" Link asked the girl.

"He is gone…everyone is gone…" she said ominously.

He raised an eyebrow and she continued in a sweet, wispy voice, "Everyone who comes here becomes Stalfos, everyone…doomed without a soul…"

"Err, okay…so, you have no idea where he went?" Link clarified, not quite sure if this girl was speaking nonsense on purpose or because she'd inhaled spores from one too many mushrooms.

"Gone…" was all she replied with.

He sighed and looked at the medicine, "Well, I am so glad I wasted my time with this! And to think, I could have been out Poe hunting instead!"

The girl looked up him, a creepy smile on her face, "I'll take that. You can have this."

She handed him half a saw blade.

Link stared it, and then lifted his gaze to her, "What am I supposed to do with this?"

* * *

><p>Author's note: This...has always bothered me. Anju's brother. Who is he? Why is so emo? Where does he go? Why is this creepy Kokri girl where he used to be? Why do I care?<p>

And the saw...come on, Link would think that about a lot of stuff people give him.


	40. Drugs LA

After much searching, Link had finally found Tarin, or rather, the raccoon the man had been turned into by eating mushrooms. How or why this had happened, Link didn't care nor did he care to know. The important thing was he had found him and fixed the problem.

"What happened?" Tarin asked, looking around now that he was back in his human form.

Link crossed his arms and glared at him, "You ate mushrooms and it turned you into a raccoon."

"It…did?"

"Yes, the moral of the story is drugs are bad…it's a good thing I had that magic powder for you to sniff so you could change back."

* * *

><p>Author's Note: I was actually writing another chapter of this story when this idea hit me. Drugs are bad, but magic powder is okay, kids! I laughed out loud at the silliess and had to write it down.<p> 


	41. Eggs MM, OoT

Another Zora egg splashed into the tank and floated to the bottom to rest with four others.

"There, only a few left." Link said, climbing back down the ladder to stand on the ground.

The man in charge of the slightly creepy laboratory clapped his hands, "Good! Soon the Zora eggs will be safe."

Link nodded and headed for the door but stopped, one foot outside, and turned back.

"…Those eggs are still going to be here when I get back…right?"

"Of course," the man said, speaking out of the corner of his twisted jaw.

Link's eyes narrowed, "Are you sure? Your not going to…I don't know, eat them or something?"

He looked insulted, "Why would I do that!"

"You wanted to eat a frog before, fish eggs are pretty close," the hero said, shrugging.

The man blinked, looking puzzled, "Frog…?"

"Eh, never mind. If something goes wrong I'll just do these three days over again." Link said, waving a hand in dismissal.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: This guy, in the Great Bay laboratory, who is re-used from Ocarina...he just creeps me out. I mean...really. And, I had this worry when I leave the Zora Eggs with him that they won't be there when I come back...<p> 


	42. Unfair OoT

Another Deku nut was deflected off Link's shield and he glared over the rim of it at the scrub that was trying to killing him. It was at least the tenth to try it in the last hour alone.

He watched with satisfaction as the little monster was taken down by his own amo.

Link trudged up the steps and then stood in awe of the ruins he was faced with. At the base, Saria sat, playing a tune on her ocarina and swaying slightly.

"Link! You made it!" she exclaimed once she spotted him.

At first the hero was overjoyed to see his childhood friend again but then he stopped and put his hands on his hips, "Wait a second, how did you get here?"

"I walked of course." she stated, giggling at his silly question.

He shook his head, "No, no, I mean, there were Deku scrubs and a wolf and…you just _walked_ here? How come the monsters attacked me and you can just walk right through?"

Saria shrugged, "I don't know."

"Unfair…"

* * *

><p>Author's Note: My mom actually pointed this out a long time ago when she happened to see this whole scene. I had to write a chapter about it! I chose Saria because that's the one my mom saw, but really, this game is riddled with scenes like this where things attack Link and no one else.<p> 


	43. How? TP

After the shock and sadness of Midna destroying the Mirror of Twilight had faded, Zelda looked around.

"Link, how are we getting back?"

He frowned and sighed heavily, "I don't suppose you have an ocarina, do you?"

* * *

><p>Author's Note: I'm sorry it's short, but...I think it's still really funny! The first time I played this game, this never crossed my mind. But then, on re-plays, I wondered...how do Link and Zelda get out of the desert after Midna is gone? She warps you in and out! Epona can't come, either.<p>

I have some more ideas but they aren't quite ready to post yet, so it might be a little while before the next update. Rest assured, though, that more is coming! Thanks for reading everyone!


	44. Help WW

Somehow Link and Tetra had managed not to drown when they were transported, unconscious, back to the great sea. Link woke up and for a split second thrashed in the waves, surprised. He glanced at Tetra, who was looking around as puzzled as he was. A shadow fell over them and they looked up, seeing a familiar pirate ship sailing towards them. Link vaguely wondered if they'd stop in time before running them over.

"Hey look, your pirates found us."

Tetra squinted and blocked the sun with her hand, "Wow, I'm impressed. They actually did something right."

Link tried to stifle his laughter.

A blonde hung over the railing, "Hoy big brother!"

"Ah, never mind. Your sister's with them. I'm no longer impressed."

Link narrowed his eyes as the boat got closer, "Medli, Quill and Komali are too. I guess they did have help."

"And that plant guy with the fiddle." Tetra added.

Link's expression turned blank, "As I said, Aryll, Komali, Quill and Medli."

The boat didn't show signs of slowing down.

"Are they going too…stop?" Link asked.

Tetra sighed loudly, "Just swim out of the way, just to be safe."

* * *

><p>Author's Note: The pirates are so bad at their jobs that I just have a hard time believing they would actually be able to find Link and Tetra! Of course, as pointed out, they weren't alone...And, in the ending, the boat doesn't seem to be slowing...<p> 


	45. Where? OoT

Link jogged up the path of Death Mountain but paused, hearing a distant rumbling coming closer. He sighed and stepped to the side as the Goron rolled by, heading down the path.

"Where are you always going?" Link shouted, not expecting an answer but still dying too know.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: I know, it's short, I'm sorry! But, this one is one my brother came up with, and you know what? He is right; where is this Goron always going?<p> 


	46. Nightmare LA

Traveling through a giant egg was strange, but falling down a shaft and landing on a weird slimy shadow was stranger still.

It began to talk in a sinister voice, telling about how it would destroy this dream and how it was them mastermind behind everything.

"_I am Nightmare_!"

Link was unmoved, "Really, nightmare? That's what your going with?"

"_No, _Nightmare! _Capital N_."

The hero's frown deepened, "I'm still not impressed."

"_You should be scared_!" the shadow insisted.

"Of what? An ink stain on the floor?"

The puddle quivered and then sped of to one corner, "_I'll teach you a lesson_!"

Link watched the shadow speed across the room and then finally sighed, tossing a handful of magic powder into the room. It hit the monster and he screamed, "_It burns_!"

As Nightmare wriggled on the floor, Link shook his head, "I can't believe I've going to say this but…where is Gannon?"

* * *

><p>Author's Note: The final boss for Link's Awakening has always been sad to me...it's not scary. In fact, the first time I played the game I was all worried about the final boss and my brother just laughed,<br>"I think you'll be okay." All his forms are pretty weak, no matter how 'scary' they look.


	47. Turtle OoT

**Author's note: Sorry for such a long wait! But, to make it up I've added 2 chapters tonight! AND, these were written by my brother, who has apparently been bitten with the L.O.L fanfic bug.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

><p>Link walked out to the middle of Lon Lon Ranch and saw a pretty redheaded girl singing amongst the horses.<p>

"Hey! Aren't you the girl from the castle?" Link asked.

"Hello fairy boy" she said pleasantly before she started singing again. Link stood there enjoying her song and then frowned as a piece of her jewelry looked familiar.

"Why are you wearing a broach that looks like Bowser?" he asked.

The girl smiled "You like it? It depicts the great turtle god, we worship him here on Lon Lon Ranch!"

Link's frown deepened. "Really?"

"Really!" she replied enthusiastically.

That was about all Link could take and he looked at Navi as he walked away. "Doesn't he have enough games of his own? Why does he have to invade mine!"

Navi bobbed and weaved in the air as she answered. "I don't know maybe you should WATCH OUT for that and LISTEN for clues."

"Or I can wait until that hand thing pulls me into another tournament and I can beat some answers out of the source." Link said smiling.

* * *

><p>This is true. Malon has a Bowser brooch on her dress. THAT is a fashion statement, I think.<p> 


	48. Turtle 2 LttP

Link turned the corner on the mountain path and winced again as another lightning bolt from the never ending storm that plagued these mountains in the dark world split the sky. He looked up and stopped short at seeing what the castle was molded into.

Reaching under his cloak he searched for a few minutes through the multitude of items he had hidden under there before pulling out the magic mirror.

He shook it a few times trying to establish a connection to Saharasla. He frowned, "Dang it! I only have two reflected bars here because of that stupid storm, I need at least four to make a proper call" Link started moving around the mountain path watching the bar counter on the mirror closely until he finally had enough to make a call.

"What is it my child? What do you need from the great Saharasla?"

"I want to know what this is" Link requested holding up the mirror to the castle in front of him.

"Oh that" said Saharasla "That would be Turtle Rock, an ancient temple built to honor the turtle god."

"Really?" asked Link

"Really!" the old man responded enthusiastically.

"Yep, so gonna beat some answers out of him." said Link.

* * *

><p>Author's note: Also written by my brother, and a follow-up to the last chapter! Why is there a castle called 'turtle rock' in Link to the Past? I honestly don't know...<p> 


	49. Dreams? LA, MM, OoT, WW

Link looked high into the sky and saw the humongous shape of the wind fish blotting out the sun. He smiled realizing that the wind fish had indeed awakened. Not really expecting an answer he called up to the fish in the sky and was surprised at hearing a loud booming voice answer. "GREETINGS HERO"

"Wow!" said Link, "You really can talk, and I can understand you!"

"YOU CAN ONLY UNDERSTAND THE ANCIENT TOUNGUE BECAUSE YOU HAVE CLEARED THE GAME" responded the great fish.

"Ummmm . . . . okay" said Link not really understanding the comment. "Let me ask you a question, if the island was created from your dream and I was sharing the dream how do you explain some of the things that were in there?"

"I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT"

"I mean like the Tries Bien leaf guy, and the animal village, and Madame Bow Wow, and the crocodile that ate dog food, and who was always on the other side of the telephone?"

"THESE THINGS MUST HAVE BEEN YOU'RE ADDITIONS TO THE DREAM WORLD"

Link frowned "I don't think so, and even if those things were how do you explain all of the crossovers with other games, like the Chain Chomps, and The Yoshi Dolls, and the mayor from that city game, and the picture of the princess that I fought on the weird floating ship in that tournament, why were they in your dream?"

"LOOK I DON'T KNOW . . . MAYBE IT WAS SOMETHING I ATE, THERE ARE A LOT OF THINGS IN HERE. POTS, ELECTRIC JELLYFISH, MAGIC PEARLS, ZORA PRINCESSES . . ."

"Wait what?"

"ANYWAY THAT ISN'T IMPORTANT WHAT IS IMPORTANT IS THAT YOU SAVED ME AND NOW I CAN FLY IN FREEDOM. FAREWELL HERO!"

The wind fish turned in the sky and majestically flew away over the horizon.

Link watched him disappear and then looked around at the seas that surrounded him in every direction. "How am I supposed to get home . . . . . better yet where was I going in the first place?" He looked again at the white capped waves that surrounded him. "Hello? Can someone save me?" the only sound was the rushing waves. "Wind fish? . . . . Zora? . . . . .Pirates?. . . . . Red Lion Boat? . . . . . Fishman?" Link was getting desperate he thought about anyone else that might save him. "Golden seahorse?"

* * *

><p>Author's note: Another chapter brought to you by my brother! The Wind Fish...I don't even know what to say. This chapter pretty much sums it all up! And, to completely understand just how many jokes are in this one, you have to have played a large majority of Zelda games!<p>

Also, thanks to everyone who has read, reviwed, favorited and subscribed!


	50. Lost? LA

Link looked at Malin and Talin unbelievingly. "So I was in an accident and now I'm trapped on a mysterious island."

They looked at each other "Yep that pretty much sums it up"

"And Zelda doesn't appear except in the rare occasions that I mention her as if I'm remembering some sort of flashback."

They both nodded. Talin tried to interject "You must find your sword . . . "

Link shushed him with a gesture "Don't you ever tell me what to do, I'm unofficially in charge!" Then continued on his line of questioning. "So this couldn't possibly be some sort of post death shared dream created only in our minds?"

"I don't think so . . . ." said Malin confused.

"There's not a series of mysterious underground locations that hold secret clues to the true nature of this island." Link asked.

"Well there might be a few of those places" said Talin.

"This all seems very familiar" Link said frowning "Next you're going to tell me that this entire island is controlled by some sort of dark evil smoke monster."

Malin and Talin looked at each other uncomfortably. "Well . . . . . . ."

* * *

><p>Author's note: My brother was a fan of Lost, as you can see. Another chapter written by my brother! I'll be updating soon, as I should have some time to write coming up.<p> 


	51. Shadow Temple OoT

Link was perplexed. After spending a long time trying to find a way in he was finally standing inside the Shadow Temple and he was quite surprised at the number of mechanical devices that were operating inside this ancient temple.

The sharp sound of metal on metal sounded nearby as Link watched the sharpened blade of a guillotine fall downward and slam into the hard stone floor before inexplicably raising itself back to its starting position and falling back down a moment latter.

"I just don't get it" Link said.

"Get what?" his fairy companion replied.

"Get what this is for, I mean what purpose does this serve?" Link asked.

"Ummmm . . . it looks scary?" said Navi.

"Not really" Link disagreed "And it's not just this guillotine thing, I mean what is up with half of the junk in this castle?"

"Like what?" asked Navi.

"Like the rain of spikes room, or the invisible spinning grim reaper blades, or the wall of deadly wooden spikes that slowly, and I emphasize slowly, move to get me when I enter."

"Those are traps!" Navi answered, proud that she could successfully answer Link's query.

"Fine, I guess I'll accept that answer for now, but here's another question. Why is there blood all over the guillotine?"

Navi couldn't see why this was a hard question "Because it kills people?"

Link held up a hand "What people? Nobody has been in this temple for years. I mean it took me a song, din's fire, and the longshot that was buried underneath the bloody lake just to make it in the front door."

"Well . . . it's the monsters blood!" Navi said.

Link held up a single finger "Ahh I thought of that, but the monster's blood is green, and in a few rare cases, blue." He leaned in closer to the blade "I'm not even sure that's real blood." Link was on a roll now "and one more thing, what's with the mice on top? Was there leftover props from the last production of the nutcracker or what?"

"Mice are scary!" Navi said solemnly.

Link rolled his eyes "Whatever, I guess my point is that this temple looks like it was dreamed up on October 31st while the designers were going through a haunted house, and thrown together on November 1st with the leftover decorations"

* * *

><p>Author's note: Oh my, so sorry for such a late update! I know I've been promising new chapters, and they are coming. This one is another writeen by my brother, one which I must agree with him on. The Shadow Temple is...disturbing. It's just...yuck. My least favorite temple, for sure, though the Water Temple annoys me it's not as bad as this one!<p> 


	52. Well OoT

Link stared at the well.

"Wait, wait, wait…let me understand this," he said, holding up his hands to stall Sheik's explanation.

He pointed at the well, "This well contains evil spirits, and they built the town over it?"

"Yes,"

"But that's stupid!" the hero complained, "I mean, the well was already here, right? The evil stuff and darkness and then what? Someone just decided, 'Hey! Let's build a town here!'"

Link shook his head, annoyed, "Who would do something so dumb?"

"…The Sheikah…" Sheik replied.

There was an awkward pause.

Link shrugged, "Still stupid, sorry. But anyway, you want me to go down there or something?"

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Oh wow, it's been so long! I'm sorry...<p>

The well in OoT has always bothered me. They tell you in game that they built the town over it...WHY? That is just...it's a horrible idea. I've gotta go with Link on this one.


	53. Where's my stuff? AoL

Link stepped out of the great temple where Zelda lay in her mystic slumber up on the high white marble pedestal and took a long whiff of the cool clean Hyrulian air. He tapped his sword to his boot dislodging a clump of dirt from the tread stuck there after his last journey. _Time for another long journey to rescue the princess_ he thought as he started out down the road. Suddenly he stopped short and patted down his trademark green tunic, _wait a minute_.

Link turned round and strolled with a purpose back into the great temple in search of the wise old man who first told him of the great curse placed on Zelda by the evil wizard. He passed by many pillars and once again stood face to face with the old man with the long white beard in the red wizard's robe that had just sat down to dinner.

"Excuse me!" said Link perturbed "Where's my stuff?"

"Your stuff?" said the man confused "I don't know what you're talking about"

"I mean the equipment and items I had" Link replied

"But you don't have any items besides your trusty shield and master sword"

Link frowned "But when I was finished beating Gannon I had a bunch of items"

The old man seemed confused "I still don't know what you're getting at"

"I had bombs! A bow and boomerang! A raft and a ladder! And other stuff too!" He said in annoyance.

"Well those items were meant for the battle against Gannon, they were not your personal toys to use in any old quest all willy nilly."

Link was red in the face from anger "It's a quest to save your stupid princess!" Link fired back.

"She's not stupid!" the old man puffed out his cheeks in annoyance and readjusted his crimson robe around his body. "And insulting the holder of the triforce of wisdom . . ."

Link snorted uncontrollably.

" . . . won't get you your stuff back." The old man finished, wisely choosing to ignore the snickering hero.

"Fine! Don't give me my weapons back, but I also had two small keys left over and about four hundred and fifty rupees in my pouch." Link said "I can use the keys in the dungeons I'm going to and rupees are always useful on these sorts of journeys"

"I'm afraid those are gone as well, and I don't think the rupees would do you much good on this adventure" said the old scribe.

"Why not?" asked Link puzzled.

"Because the Kingdom of Hyrule has moved on to a golden age since Gannon died." His eyes sparkled in pleasure as he spoke "In the new kingdom the pointless capitalism and greed created by the rupee is a thing of the past, and kind deeds and the trading of goods and services has replaced it."

"What?" Link said surprised "Are you telling me that the kingdom is now running on some sort of trade and barter system?"

"And good deeds!" the old man said smiling.

Link was about ready to explode "Gannon has only been dead a week!"

"What's your point" he said confused.

Link pinched his nose "Just tell me where my stuff is"

The old man frowned "I told you, you can't use any of your old equipment on this adventure, you must earn and find the items required to complete your quest anew and prove yourself as the hero."

Link frowned in silent fury "If I were you I would go find my stuff, because if I wake Zelda up and it's not here, I will find it." He leaned in threateningly close "My way"

"Ummmmmm" said the old guy looking nervously around "I'll go see if I can find it." He stood up and quickly moved across the red carpeted floor. Link was still not happy, but he figured he would make do with the items he had, and was sure he would be able to find the other weapons and equipment he needed fairly easily.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: This was written by my brother! I know most people probably have not played The Adventures of Link...we're talking OLD system, like, before the SNES. But, I think this is still quite amusing, I laughed! Where does Link's tools go after every game? Why does he not have anything after Wind Waker in Phantom Hourglass? Or at least some of the items from when he was kid in Majora's Mask?<p>

I'll be trying to update more this coming week once more, so expect to see some new stuff from both my brother and I!


	54. Plans OoS

"As you know, if I imprison the Oracle of Seasons and bury the temple that houses the Season Spirits, the seasons of Holodrum will be cast into chaos, the bountiful gifts of nature will rot, and all living things perish! That is the world of darkness that I long for!" General Onox shouted, laughing manically afterwards.

Link stood, staring at him and then frowned and lowered his sword, "So, your plan is to rot food?"

"What?" the armored man said, stopping his cackling to look at the hero.

"Well, you said the bountiful gifts of nature would rot, so I was just figuring you wanted a world without food." Link explained, shrugging.

The general sighed, "No, darkness, darkness is what I'm after. Chaos and darkness."

"Why didn't you just say that?" the hero complained, "The way you said it…well, I have to admit, it's a little weak."

"You think?" Onox asked, sounding worried.

Link nodded sagely, "Yes, I do. I mean, sure, you want a world of darkness, but what bad guy doesn't? Seasons? Really? That's your big play? Sure, it's going to be a pain to have them out of sorts, but I have to tell you, it's not really too worrisome."

The armored man tapped his chin thoughtfully, "Hmm….I suppose you make a good point. But, that was my main plan."

Link sighed, "Then let's fight or whatever so I can get it done with."

"Well maybe now I don't feel like it!" General Onox whined, crossing his arms, "The hero isn't supposed to be unimpressed by my plan. You're supposed to call me a fiend and rush at me in a heroic show of courage."

Link rolled his eyes, "Fine, fine, we'll go with the rushing. Are you ready?"

"…Yes."

* * *

><p>Author's Note: I read that quote by Onox at the very start of this chapter (taken from the game,) and couldn't help my self! I mean, he sound so...silly, doesn't he? It's been forever since my brother played Seasons, and I never have, so I might not be able to do too many chapters on this one!<p> 


	55. Orignal OoS, OoA, OoT, MM, WW, LttP, TP

Link stood in front of the knight known as Onyx. "Wow look it's the generic bad guy" he said unimpressed.

Onyx was offended "What do you mean generic, I'm the dark knight of doom that kidnapped the goddess Din!"

"So you kidnapped a girl huh" Link said. "Bowser does that every week! As does Gannon, Donkey Kong, and about a hundred other bad guys."

"You're not impressed by my master plan?" Onyx said disappointed.

"Not in the slightest"

"Well maybe you will sing a different tune when you see my brilliant invention" Onyx pulled a large golden ball with spikes on it out from under his cape. He let the chain slide through his fingers and began to swing it wildly over his head before he sent it hurtling towards Link. It smashed hard into the rock cracking it and sending sharp shards in all directions. Link had already moved himself into the corner of the room. "Oh, a ball and chain, how original" he said dryly.

"Curse you!" said Onyx "How did you know that I couldn't hit you when you're in the corner?"

"Because I've fought ball and chain enemies before" said Link unimpressed.

"Well . . . . . wait until you see my next attack!" Onyx suddenly grew larger and hands sprang up out of the darkness. "Now you will face me . . . .in 3D!"

Link was unimpressed "You do realize that Orcarina of Time, Majora's Mask, Wind Waker, Twilight Princess, and Skyward Sword were all full 3D." Link rubbed his chin in thought "And Adventures of Link was mostly in this style of 2D."

"So I'm not original at all?" Onyx said disappointed.

"No" Link said "But to be fair Veran wasn't original either."

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Written by my brother after the last chapter I wrote! He was telling me about how silly Onox is, which I agree with...Veran is of course the bad guy (or girl, rather,) from Oracle of Ages, which neither of us have ever played!<p> 


	56. Lies! OoT

"Hey!" said Navi "What are we doing up here?"

Link stood on the shop roof in confusion. He had climbed the vine covered cliff and run to the overlook that gave him a bird's eye view of the entire Kokiri Forest. From this vantage point he could see everything, from the Know-it-all brothers house to his home, from that bastard Milo's home to the training ground where young Kokiris learned how to fight by attacking bushes and rocks. From this point he had carefully gauged the distance onto the shop roof and had leaped off the cliff.

Link's leather clad feet had left the soft grass of the ground at the top of the cliff and swung wildly in midair until he came crashing down onto the hard wooden roof of the shop. Rolling into a ball at the conclusion of his leap Link rolled across the roof and came up standing in a half crouch ready for action. Of course Navi the fairy had a much easier time of crossing the distance due to her tiny wings and Link frowned in jealousy as she buzzed back and forth over his head.

"I was told that there was a heart piece on this roof" Link replied to Navi's earlier question.

"Well there's not!" Navi said perturbed "We need to talk to the Great Deku Tree!" she reiterated in her annoyingly sweet fairy voice.

"Fine, fine, fine" said Link waving her off "I just can't believe that they would lie like this"

* * *

><p>Author's note: My brother would like to say the following about this chapter:<p>

This story was inspired by a tip that came from Nintendo Power. Back when Ocarina of Time first came out my parent's rented the system from the local video store (remember those?) for my birthday and I chose Ocarina as one of three games to rent with it to try out the new system. I also convinced my dad to make a special trip to the library to get an issue of Nintendo Power that included maps and tricks about Ocarina of Time including the location of a heart piece on the Kokiri roof shop. Of course there is no piece there and the tip was completely bogus, but I spent a good half hour trying to make it appear.


	57. Hand LttP

Link looked at the talking hand who was attempting to tell him a story about how the dark world was formed out of the golden realm, but he wasn't paying much attention to the content of the story as he was too busy staring at the storyteller.

"So let me get this straight" Link said incredulously "The dark world magnifies your inner self and changes your outer appearance to match?"

"indeed" said the storyteller.

"That's why the bully on the mountain changed into a monster, because he was a beast within, and his victim turned into a ball because he just rolls over when he's attacked." Link frowned. "And I guess I turned into a bunny because I'm . . . . fluffy inside?"

"I don't know why you turned into a bunny" the storyteller said.

"So wait, why are you a hand?" Link asked.

The storyteller leaned forward as if he was about to tell Link an extremely confidential secret. "I really like Hamburger Helper" he said and put one of his fingers to his lips.

Link looked at him incredulously "naturally."

* * *

><p>Author's note: Another chapter written by my brother! That hand really does remind me of the hamburger helper...I'll have some more in a couple of days!<p> 


	58. Unexplained MM, OoT

Deku Link pattered up to what appeared to be a twisted deku shrub, although it was so still it looked almost fake.

"What's this?"

Tatl flew up and made that annoying dinging sound before replying with, "It looks like a plot device that won't be fully explained in this game."

"Will it be implied it's something?"

"I'm sure."

Link sighed, "Well, I'll add it to the list along with those weird claw marks on that tree in Lake Hylia back in Hyrule…"

* * *

><p>Author's note: This deku guy who is...dead(?) before you even enter Termina bothers me! It is heavily implied that it's the deku butler you race later in the game but...there is no conclusion to the storyline! A scene at the end but...nothing more. Why include it in the game at all? And the claw marks on that tree in Lake Hylia in OoT? What is the point of them being there execpt to inspire fanfiction?<p> 


	59. Sea Chart WW

"This island is full of shops" The Red Lion headed boat said to the young passenger "After you find a sail do not hesitate to stalk up on any other provisions we might need on our journey."

"Great" said Link "The first thing we need to get is a sea chart!"

The great boat swung his head back and forth in the approximation of a human shaking his head no. The timber of the boat squeaked and creaked as the joints of the boat head slowly moved from right to left. "That is not necessary; I have given you a sea chart already."

Link opened the chart and stared at it. "It's blank"

"It's not blank!" The boat said offended "I have clearly marked this island and the next island we need to go to!"

"But the rest of this map is blank" Link replied.

"It's supposed to be!" The lion boat said as if Link was the student in a classroom and the boat was the condescending teacher. "We are just staring out on our journey."

"But we could start our journey with a fully drawn map" Link argued.

"No!" the boat said adamantly "You can't just BUY a sea chart. You need to have it slowly filled in."

"How am I supposed to do that?" Link asked confused.

"Why the fishman will help with that!" said the boat excitedly.

"The fishman" Link said "You mean like a Zora from the legends?"

"No, No, No!" the boat said shaking his head some more "The Zora's are no longer in this world, for some reason, even though the entire world is covered with water and it makes no logical sense that other species including Gorons, Kokiris, and Hyruliens all survived the great flood and they did not, even though they could simply swim to safety." He took a deep breath "The fishman is a fish, that talks like a man!"

"Whatever" Link said waving off the King of Red Lion's long winded explanation about the Zoras "and how does this "fishman" help make sea charts?"

"Why he paints them of course!" the Boat said excitedly "All you have to do is find him jumping out of the water near each island, then you spread a little bait purchased from Beetle's shop on the ocean, and he will come out and pain your map."

"The whole map?" Link asked.

"Oh no!" the boat replied "Only that square"

"So let me get this straight: You expect me to sail around the world to each and every square, stop randomly in that square to use my telescope to spot a fish jumping out of the water, sail over to said fish and spread bait on the water just to get a tiny portion of my map filled in?" Link said.

The boat was frowning "Yeah, so what is the problem?"

Link was frustrated "The problem is that will take forever!" He put his arms to his hips and stood glaring at the boat "My sister is a captive of the evil dark man"

"Gannondorf" the boat corrected

"Whatever, Gandalf then, and I don't want to spend weeks sailing aimlessly around the world trying to complete a sea chart while she rots in that rat infested island with those disgusting pig guards."

"Well what do you suggest?" the boat said angrily "The fishman is the only way to get a sea chart"

"Or" Link said holding up a finger "And I'm just spit balling here, we could BUY a map here in town."

The red lion frowned "Even if you could find a sea chart here, which I don't think you could, It would probably cost a fortune!"

"But I'm going to spend like 300 rupees on the bait to tempt the fishman!" Link argued. "And as for finding a map, I'm sure we should find someone here who sells them, after all this island is known as the stop of choice for pirates and fishermen the world over."

"I'm not so sure . . ." said the boat.

A few hours latter

Link returned to the red lion boat with a scowl on his face.

"Did you find a sail?" asked the boat.

"Yes" growled the hero clad in green.

"Then what is your problem?"

Link sighed "There were no sea charts in the local shops. I did hear of one possible place to obtain a sea chart, but it was from Tingle and I think I'd rather try my luck with the fishman."

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Another by my brother! And...yes, very odd that you can't buy even a some-what completed sea chart! Yet, I can winbuy/find treasure charts...hmm...Poor Link, the world he lives in is not logical.


	60. Fish and birds WW

Link watched as Medli and the spirit of the Zora played their silver harps together, the notes from the strings blending into a beautiful melody that echoed through the craggy rocks of Dragon Roost Isle. As the song came to a close the bird girl opened her eyes and looked at Link in amazement. He could see the spirit form of the fallen Zora sage standing behind the girl smiling.

"I remember now!" Medli said "I remember who I am, I am a sage!"

Link was relieved, he had found the sage that could help restore the power of the master sword to its former glory. He was glad that he had found the descendant of the great Zora that had once been the sage of the earth . . . Wait a minute, Zora?

Link stared in confusion at the two sages separated by thousands of years yet appearing before him at the same time. "I don't get it" he said addressing the deceased fish woman "I thought you said we needed to find your descendant"

"What's your point" she said.

"My point is that originally I thought we were setting out to find a member of the Zora species, you know the species of fish people that for some reason, even though the entire world is covered with water and it makes no logical sense that other species including Gorons, Kokiris, and Hyruliens all survived the great flood and they did not, even though they could simply swim to safety." Link took a deep breath recovering from his mini rant "But now you are telling me that we were looking for a bird girl? Which means what? The Zoras inexplicably mutated from fish people to flying birds?"

"If you think that's weird" the spirit said "then you should see what we turn into in the next thousand years. Apparently then we mutate into some sort of reptilian creature that looks like it came from the black lagoon."

"That doesn't seem very likely" Link said incredulously.

"And we will make all our money selling flippers!" she said proudly.

"See" said Link "Now I know you're just messing with me."

"And then we will once again go back to being fish people when the twilight realm starts merging with ours!"

"I'm not sure I believe any of this mumbo jumbo" Link said muttering to himself.

"Think how I feel!" said Medli "I hate reptiles . . . and fish! Don't tell Prince Komali about this, he hates them even more than I do and I don't think he could handle it. We should leave now."

"Fine, whatever, I just want to be done with this whole adventure." Link said rubbing his temples as he felt a headache coming on.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: And that is the 60th chapter! But don't worry, there is more to come! Thank you too all the readers and reviewers! It means a lot that you are enjoying this as much as I am!<p>

This chapter is sort of a follow-up to the last one, and it is also written by my brother (there will be a third part, coming soon.) I...find the whole Zora/Rito thing...odd. Now, evolution is already farfertched in some regards, but then Zelda goes and does...this. The fish turned into birds because of the flood? Why? How? And then, yes, in another game they do look more like lizards, and less like...fish-bird-people? Oh LOZ, how we love you despite not making sense!


	61. Great Grid Ocean WW

Link reluctantly opened the sea chart once more and let the fishman, who had no arms to speak of, paint the island on another square of the great map that was about half complete. The fishman leapt back down into the salty sea and then popped his frightening fish mug back up over the waterline.

"Kay, I wouldn't want to be in these water's . . . ."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, ghost ship." Link said dismissively "Listen if you want to give me some real information maybe you can explain why the sea is illogically laid out into a perfect grid."

"Khay?" said the fish "I don't know what you mean small fry"

"I mean that islands in nature just don't magically line up in perfect rows inside a grid with one island to a square."

The fish swam around to the other side of the boat and broke the surface. "Well these islands were created when the great Kingdom of Hyrule was flooded and the tip tops of mountains were the only thing not covered in water."

"I know all of that" Link said "But mountains don't naturally occur in a grid formation either. So how come they line up with the grid on the sea chart?"

"Khay, My back hurts how about some acupuncture?" The fishman was quickly changing the subject.

"You have no answer for my question" said Link

The fishmans eyes flicked from left to right and back again quickly "Ahhhhhh have you heard about the safe on windfall island?"

"That's what I thought" Link said.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: The third part in this little saga, written by my brother. Have you noticed how often the fish talks about the ghost ship? And, his clues aren't all that helpful, either, when you really think about it. Ah, the Great Grid Ocean...<p> 


	62. Fairies AlttP All

"The fairies in this fountain shall ease your weariness," the great fairy explained, smiling kindly as she gestured with her hand at all the sparkling balls of light floating nearby.

"Great!" Link exclaimed, pulling out one of his empty bottles and proceeding to swipe it through the air, capturing one of the mini fairies inside and corking the top.

There was a startled cry of the rest of the fairies and the great fairy gasped, "Oh! What are you doing?" she shrieked in horror, covering her mouth with both hands.

Link gave her a funny look, "Getting fairies for later."

Her eyes were wide, and he slowly stopped chasing one of the screaming floating balls of light to stare at her awkwardly, "…Is that not cool?"

"No! It's not cool!" the larger fairy explained while her smaller versions hide behind her.

Link frowned, holding up the already captured fairy who was pounding on the glass jar.

"So, I can have them heal me here, but I can't have them heal me elsewhere? How does that make any sense?" the hero asked, truly puzzled.

One of the fairies' squeaked from behind her mistress's shoulder, "We don't want to be put in glass jars!"

"How will we breathe?" another asked, frightened.

"When will you let us go?"

"What will we eat?"

Link waved his hands around, "Okay, okay, stop nagging, you're like…" he trailed off, suddenly remembering why fairies annoyed him so greatly.

"I once had to travel with one of you constantly talking and nagging and complaining and she couldn't even save my life if I died! What was with that? Anyway, there's air holes, I'll let you go either when I die after you heal me or when I don't need you anymore, and what do you eat at all?"

The great fairy was not pleased, "This is terrible! What kind of hero would do something like this?"

"The kind that wants to stay alive," Link replied, snagging another one, "and I am the hero. You want the bad guy to win?"

There was a pause.

"I didn't think so. Think of it this way; in a way, you'll be going down in history!" he announced, heading for the entrance. He could hear the fairies grumbling behind him but he was unconcerned.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: This was a sudden thought that occured to me a few days ago...would the fairies really be okay with Link cramming them ina jar for later use? It's just...wrong when you think about it! But, I think Link would totally do it for payback after Navi...you know you would, too. And yes, how do they breathe? And what do they eat? And...do they die after they heal you? These are the important questions someone must ask...Also, I pictured this being during A Link to the Past, but really, it can go in any game after OoT.<p> 


	63. The Sages OoT

"Now that you have found all six of us," Impa explained, "you must go and face Ganondorf!"

Link nodded as the other sages wished him well and gave him encouraging final words.

As they prepared to send him back, he held up a hand, "Uh, hang on a sec,"

They all paused and Link frowned, "What…do you guys do?"

All the sages exchanged looks and he continued, "I mean, it's great that you gave me these…things, that have your crest on them, but they don't do anything. They weigh me down, is all…"

The hero's frown deepened, "And while I'm off fighting minions and monsters, what are you doing here in this…whatever you call it."

The sages turned to Rauru, who took a long time to answer. So long that Link waved a hand in front of his face.

"Oh, we…" his eyes darted around the room and Link sighed, "You don't do anything, do you? You sit around swapping stories and playing chess while I'm out their getting my butt kicked to save your world. You know, I was just a kid like, two months ago, and now I've had to travel the world, fight a bunch of stuff and you have done nothing!"

"We've helped you get through the temples!" Nabooru snapped.

Link glared at her, "Hey, who saved who, lady!"

"Of course we've helped you!" Ruto said sweetly.

He rolled his eyes, "You, stay away from me, stalker, and no, you really haven't done anything."

He turned to each of them, "Saria, you are one of the worst friends ever! You'd always known I'd leave because I'm different? Excellent encouragement."

"Darunia, you could have gone with me through the Fire Temple, or at least left the door to the boss unlocked. Instead, I had to do all of it and save your people. Great leadership."

Link skipped Ruto, wanting to avoid her all together and moved to Impa, "You scare me, just for the record. Your…kind of creepy."

"And Rauru, you talk too much."

They all grumbled and Rauru held up his index finger "We shall help you now by creating a rainbow bridge so you can get to Ganondorf's castle!"

"Hurray." Link deadpanned.

They mistook his sarcasm and sent him on his way, all the while making him grumble.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Wow, sorry everyone for the late update! I think I have too many stories going. I keep forgetting about some of thing...<p>

But, anyway, here is another chapter of LOL! The Sages bother me in OoT...they don't do anything. They actually make things harder on you! And Saria's line near the beginning of the game about you being different always makes me mad...and Impa does kind of freak me out. I think it's the make-up, or the fact she looks like a dude. But, I hope you all enjoyed this! I'll update soon.


	64. Hideouts MM

Link rolled hard into the stone wall with a grunt. Nearby Tatl buzzed to and fro "I don't know why you are doing this."

Link frowned at the fairy "I have done the Kaffi event four times already and the last time I lost because I didn't know that we were on some sort of timer from the moment that we entered the room!"

"I know, I was there!" says Tatl in an annoyed fashioned.

"Well I want to just get in there and finish this mission, Kaffie is already here hiding behind those rocks , and I really don't want to just sit around until this evening when Sakkon gets his froofy little self over here to open up his hideout." Link said gesturing wildly.

"But that doesn't explain why you are slamming into the rock wall" Tatl said condescendingly.

"See that crack?" Link pointed at the boulder that blocked the entrance to the thief's hideout. A large black space was on one side of the wall, it wasn't a large enough space for a person to fit through, yet. "I plan on widening that crack by pounding on this wall until I get in."

Link glanced up at the purple glowing fairy buzzing around his head "On second thought, why don't you just fly through that crack and open the door from the inside."

"I can't do that" said Tatl.

"Why not"

"Because that would be unethical, breaking into someone's private residence." Tatl said proudly.

"Wait a minute!" Link said annoyed "Weren't you the one who stole my horse and ocarina?"

"No that was the skull kid and we've already discussed this!" Tatl said annoyed.

"Fine, whatever" said Link. "I'll just have to finish making that crack larger."

Link stepped back from the wall again and carefully lined up to roll into the crack again. Link dashed forward at full speed and through his head down towards the ground executing a graceful roll that he assumed would end with another bone crashing collision into the wall. Much to his surprise he instead continued to roll and found himself falling downward. A few seconds latter he looked around in surprise and found himself in Sakon's hideout. He heard a noise behind him and turned to find Kaffi standing there inside the lair.

"Wait a minute" a puzzled Link said "How did you get in here past the boulder, on second thought, how did I get in here?"

"Oh look the sunmask!" he said before a blaring alarm went off and the conveyor belt began slowly inching backwards dragging the sunmask towards the pit at the far end of the hideout.

"Whatever" Link said rolling his eyes "Let's just get the mask and get this stupid event over with so I can get on with saving this town."

* * *

><p>Author's note: Sorry for the lack of updates! Busy with work the last few days. This chapter was wirrten by my brother, who hates the Kafe event, by the way. And, does everyone know about this glitch? If not, it is possible to get inside Sakon's hideout by rolling at just the right spot. Kaffe is inside and you can go like normal, but you don't have to wait for the right time, which is nice in case you have other things you'd like to do!<p> 


	65. As always ST

"You have a very important mission ahead of you. The kingdom is in danger. We're all counting on you. You understand the gravity of the situation, don't you? You must find the sacred rail maps in this tower! I will wait for you here. That's what princesses have always done. From what I understand, it's kind of a family tradition. No need to be scared. Just buck up and get moving. " princess Zelda explained, all smiles.

Link gave her a blank stare.

"No," he said, deadpanning, "a family tradition is for you, the princess, to somehow get stupidly kidnapped."

She blinked, "Wait, what-"

"Trust me," he interrupted, waving his hands, "That's the way it always happens. I go off on a quest, something bad happens, you get kidnapped, locked away, I have to come find you…"

Link sighed and shrugged, turning away and calling over his shoulder, "So, I'll see you in a few dungeons."

* * *

><p>Author's note: Oh my goodness! I'm so sorry for no updates for awhile! I'm running a little short on ideas, maybe it's time to re-play a game or two?<p>

As we know, (although I have not played Spirit Tracks,) Zelda actually gets her spirit ripped from her body and has to come with you in this game, but this quote...Heh, I saw it and had to have Link reply with something sarcastic. Also true. She does always get kidnapped.


	66. Without a trace LttP

Zelda's message had cut off before she finished speaking, but it sounded as though the Sanctuary had been attacked by Ganon's forces.

Link pushed open the doors, expecting to see the entire place torn apart. However, everything looked remarkably…fine.

There were no signs of a struggle, any broken glass or destroyed furniture in sight.

The only sign of anything being wrong was the body of the guy that apparently did something at the Sanctuary. What he did, Link wasn't sure, but he seemed nice enough so the hero went up to check on him.

He, too, seemed remarkably fine but promptly mumbled his apologies for letting them take the princess. He closed his eyes and Link frowned, "Hey, wait, you don't look that injured, but it's okay, I have a fairy!"

Link turned back and jumped to his feet, startled by the sight of the man literally fading from view into nothingness.

"Oh my gosh!" Link exclaimed, "Jewish guy was a Jedi!"

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Notes: So, I'm back! At least for a small update. I'm still super busy at the moment, but my brother recently re-played A Link to the Past on the SNES so...you might be seeing a few more coming soon!<strong>

**I don't want to offend anyone with this chapter, because if you've seen the guy in question, he does look like a Rabbi. Plus, I am part Jewish, so I mean nothing by it. And, I don't know what he does, the Sanctuary does look untouched meaning Zelda didn't put up much of a fight (Typical) AND, he does just...fade from sight like a Jedi! To make things even more confusing, he's seen in the ending of the game, meaning he's not dead, so...where did you go mister guy?**

**More unanaswered questions in the Zelda series!**

**Until next time everyone, see you!**


	67. Descendants LttP, OoT

Link was glad when the maiden finally stopped re-capping things he already knew, as her spinning crystal prison was making him ill.

But as she asked him; "Do you understand?", a sudden thought occurred to him.

"Um, yeah, I get all that, but…I just want to ask you something." Link said, holding up a hand. "See, I was told by another girl that you maidens are descendants of the great sages,"

She nodded, "That is correct."

"Okay," Link said, drawing the word out, "But…um….you all look Hyrulian. See, the great sages had a person from every race, so I'm little confused how this works,"

She pursed her lips in annoyance, "Well, we all know the crazy Zora evolution,"

Link rolled his eyes, "Yes, we do, but-"

"And so did many of the other races you are talking about." She concluded, talking over him.

Link frowned and put his hands on his hips, "One word; Goron. I refuse to believe that you or any of the other maidens are descendants of gorons! For real, that just…no, not possible."

The woman heaved a sigh, "You are over thinking this,"

"Am I?" Link asked, leaning forward, "Or am I on to something?"

"Oh, just go rescue Zelda." The maiden complained, looking away.

Link snorted and stuffed her crystal into his bag with the rest, "Fine…"

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Sorry again everyone for no updates! I've been meaning to get this one added for a while, and also? I recently read some Zelda Manga's at the library...you might be seeing a few more chapters soon!<p>

This was something my brother pointed out last time we played A Link To The Past. The sages were all races. The maidens are all human looking. What is wrong with this picture? Especially the gorons...

And how could I resist poking fun at the Zoras again?

Until next time everyone, thanks for reading as always!


	68. Same old, same old MC, LttP

Link sighed and slashed with his sword, bored.

"How dare you send my own power back at me?!" Vaati demanded, throwing a tantrum in the middle of their battle.

Link sighed again, "This is not my first rodeo; You throw a ball of magic at me, I volley it back to you, we go like this and that and finally I hit you enough times."

He frowned and averted his gaze, "Can we just skip to the part where you mutate into some ugly beast for your final form and I kick your butt?"

Vaati glared at him and tossed another magic ball his way.

"Really?" Link complained, "What I wouldn't give for a bug catching net…"

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Has anyone noticed that Zelda battles are always the same?! Also I realized that I've never written anthing with Vaati (probably because I haven't played any games he's in,) so I thought it was his turn to get mentioned.<p>

Oh Link, a little fed up are we?


	69. Names SS

**Oh wow! Has it been that long?! Eep! Sorry everyone! Don't worry, I have no plans to stop writing this, I just didn't have any good ideas for awhile! But here's a chapter for everyone!**

* * *

><p>"I am Demise! Tremble in fear as I destroy this world!"<p>

Link shook his head.

"I….wait, what? You don't look impressed…" Demise noted.

Link shrugged, "Well, it's just…you named yourself Demise? Really?"

"What's wrong with that?" the villain asked, sounding unsure.

Link made a face, "Nothing is…wrong with it, it's just…you might as well have called yourself "The Bad Guy", you know?"

Demise looked upset, "It's not scary?"

"Nah, not really. It's a little too…much." Link informed him, continuing after a moment, "I mean…Ganon is a name. Like, a real name. So is Vaati. And then there's Malladus, Veran, Onyx…Nightmare was lame, but let's just forget about that one…"

Demise stared at him, dismayed, "You mean…I'm not scary?"

Link winced, "Hey, now, I didn't say that. I mean, you _look_ scary!"

He gestured to his outfit, "Great get-up, and the hair and…stuff…um…and you seem really powerful it's just…the name…"

"I also go by The Imprisoned." Demise offered helpfully.

Link was still unimpressed, "Yeah…better, I guess…plus, let's be honest here, Demise. Your sword is a gay clown, so…"

"Yours is a girl!"

"And is still cooler than yours."

Demise frowned, "So you're not scared of me?"

"Not in the slightest." Link replied.

Demise glared at him, "I might just win and rule the world!"

"Unlikely," Link said, shrugging once more, "I mean, let's face it. The game's not called the Legend of Demise."

"It's not called the Legend of Link, either!" the villain countered in a very childish way.

Link grinned, "But I'm the guy they stick on the cover art."

* * *

><p><strong>I just...can't deal with Demise's name. It's...not cool enough. And he does LOOK pretty good for a villan, just...really, Demise? They couldn't come up with anything better? <strong>

**And I had to make fun of Grh...whatever his name is. Because he is really ruining Demise's image, there. Weirdo.**


	70. It's Dangerous to Go Alone (LOZ)

"It's dangerous to go alone. Here, take this." the old man said, holding out a sword and a shield.

Link took them and gave them a once over before glancing back at the man expectantly.

There was an awkward pause.

Link fidgeted, "So…" he said, looking around the cave. "Where's my partner?"

The old man gave him a funny look.

"You know, annoying chatty fairy, annoying dark shadow spirit, annoying talking boat, annoying sword spirit, annoying owl, annoying naggy Zelda spirit, annoying talking hat…"

"You don't have one." The man said dryly.

Link made a face, "But…I always have an annoying partner, and you just said that it was dangerous to go alone!"

"And it is. So I gave you those." He replied as if it made perfect sense.

Link glanced at his shield and then his sword, before looking back at the old man, annoyed. "But I'm still going alone,"

"And? What do you want me to do about it?"

"Sheesh, fine, no need to get mean…"

* * *

><p><strong>Oh my gosh! Such a long time! So sorry everyone. I'll make it up by uploading TWO chapters!<strong>

**Anyway, this is probably one of the most iconic if not old, lines in the Zelda series; "It's dangerous to go alone, here, take this."**

**Thanks random old man, but...I'm still going alone...(From the very first Zelda game EVER!)**

**You can always tell if someone is a super nerd if you quote that line and they know what your talking about... **


	71. Paradox (OoT)

"And now," Zelda said, raising the ocarina to her lips, "I'm going to send you back to where and when you belong."

"Wait, wait, hold it," Link said, waving his hands. "Now, I'm not expert on time travel…well, I kind of am….Hero of Time and all that, but…"

He frowned and spared a moment to bat Navi away from his face. She had an annoying habit of getting in his face whenever he was trying to have a conversation.

"If you send me back in time, then what was the point of all this? I mean, this future won't exist, so why'd I fix everything? Furthermore, won't I have to fight Ganon back in time, then? Because, he's still going to be alive, you know. Seven years ago…and wait, when exactly are you sending me back? Before I left the forest? Before opening the door of time since that's what Ganondorf wanted? But, then what do we do in the past? What about the sages?"

Zelda was just staring at him.

"Am I making sense?" Link said, frowning deeper. "I don't want to make some weird spilt timeline paradox with this whole magical time traveling song, that seems like a really bad idea. So confusing."

Zelda continued to stare.

Link sighed, "Ugh, whatever. You'd think for someone with the Triforce of _Wisdom_ you'd get stuff like this, but never mind. Just play the song and let's do this…"

* * *

><p><strong>This has always bothered me at the end of Ocarina of Time...because, I get the idea of a spilt timeline, but...it is a little weird because true temporal theory states it differently, and then why, if Zelda was just going to send him back, did we save this future? So strange...why not just...time travel back to right before Link opens the door of time and be like, "Nope, sorry G dude, not this time!"<strong>

**How accurate is the Song of Time, for that matter? It seems to do random things whenever the plot demands it...**

**...I'm over thinking this, aren't I?**


	72. Sun Song (OoT)

Link sighed as he entered the village, "Dang, it's night time. None of the shops will be open…" He brightened and pulled the Ocarina from his bag, "Well…let's just fix that…"

The sun song finished with a flourish and the first rays of sunlight peek over Death Mountain.

"Oh! But wait, I wanted to hunt those noisy spiders!" he exclaimed, bringing the Ocarina to his lips again.

The sun went down.

"But…I should really climb up the mountain in daytime, it's safer…"

The sun came back up.

"Then again, I can hunt for those spiders on the way up if it's dark out,"

The sun went back down.

Suddenly one of the nearby doors was flung open, revealing an angry townsperson, "Hey! What is going on?! Is it daytime or nighttime?!" he demanded, flustered.

Link winced, "Whoops…"

Navi appeared from seemingly nowhere and hovered in his face, "Hey! I've always wondered about that sun song…do you think we lose a day every time you play it? What about people who are working and suddenly…'poof' it's nighttime?"

Link made a pained face and waved his hands in front of himself, "Hey, hey, I can't be bothered to think about these things. Your too practical, Navi…"

* * *

><p><strong>I have always wondered about the Sun Song...what about the normal folks who are working during the day? Suddenly it's nighttime! And then, your sleeping, and suddenly, it's daytime! And do you lose a day? How does that work?<strong>

**Oh Legend of Zelda, I love you. ;)**


	73. Advice (AoL)

Link tiredly dragged himself through the poorly laid out town in search of the healer. He entered a house, intent on asking the man inside where the healer might be.

Instead, he got advice he didn't need.

"When all else fails, use fire." the man said flatly and slowly.

Link stared at him for a second before replying, "Well, that's advice to live by, for sure, but…not really helpful for my current situation, thanks."

* * *

><p><strong>Watch out! My brother has started his yearly play-through of all the Zelda games! We're attempting to make it through the very first game, but then he got annoyed and moved onto Zelda 2: Adventures of Link. This line is a town person's awesome advice for you when you speak to him. I looked at my brother and said "Advice to live by."<strong>

**Expect a lot more LOL chapters coming soon!**


	74. Secret

Link stepped cautiously into the room beyond, sword drawn, expecting another rush of monsters. Instead, he stopped, surprised, at the right of a person.

"The secret is in the east…" the old man intoned ominously.

Link blinked, "The secret is in the east?"

"The secret is in the east." he agreed once more.

"East of…what, exactly? And what secret, anyway? The secret spice recipe for Kakariko fried cucco? The secret to immortality? The hall of secrets?" Link asked curiously.

"The secret is in the east…" the old man repeated.

Link frowned, "You're not going to say anything else, are you?"

"The secret is in the east…"

"I didn't think so,"

"The secret is in the east…"

Link glared at him, "I get it, I get it…hey, wait, do you just…live in this dungeon? Is this like, your house or something?"

"The secret is in the east…"

Link rolled his eyes, turned around and left.

* * *

><p><strong>From the original Zelda game...anyone played that? It's DIFFICULT! My brother and I were musing that the game is hard and...simple, how did they make a franchise off of it?<strong>

**But seriously. There's always a guy in the castles that gives you 'advice' but what's he doing there? **


	75. But what does it do?

Link stared at the triangle pattern on the back of his hand and frowned. "So…anyone know what this does?"

Zelda gave him a puzzled look, "What do you mean? It's the triforce of courage."

"Yeah, yeah," he said, waving a hand to dismiss her comment, "But what does it _do_? I mean…Ganon gets a random grab bag of dark powers, and can turn into a really ugly creature, you have a random grab bag of light powers and have visions and dreams and the uncanny ability to get captured…but what does mine do?"

The princess mirrored his frown, "Well, you have the ability to pick up any instrument and be able to play it,"

Link was unimpressed, "Woot."

"And…you are very good at using all the items you pick up in the random locations around the world,"

"Maybe I'm just naturally talented," he argued. "I want a random grab bag of abilities!"

Zelda sighed, "You have a random grab bag of items, what more do you want?"

"I want something…exciting." he said.

She rolled her eyes, "I think your special power is to be quiet."

Link scowled at her, "Thanks a lot. I'm not going to come save you next time you get into trouble."

* * *

><p><strong>Hey everyone! I've been meaning to upload this for a few days now. Sorry for the lack of updates lately, I'm trying to get back into the hang of updating this story. You guys who readreview this story are the best! :)**

**I've always wondered if the Triforce was supposed to give the bearer special powers...I'm not sure if that's how Zelda and Ganon get theirs, but if it is, why doesn't Link have any? But of course, he does; he's instantly good at everything.**

**And I couldn't help but tip my hat to the fact that he doesn't talk...**


	76. Buddy System (LttP)

**Long time no post! I'm sorry about that...I've been distracted by other writing projects and a certain video game entitled Skyrim...and you know, life. **

**Just a short chapter for tonight, but I hope you still enjoy.**

* * *

><p>Link slunk through the dingy and dark hallway, wondering if all the corridors in Hyrule Castle had puddles of water randomly about.<p>

Someone should probably do something about those leaks…

He saw a familiar person up ahead, lying on the ground, injured.

He sighed. "Uncle, I _told you_ it was dangerous to go alone!"

Link rolled his eyes and picked up the sword and shield; "Well, I'm taking this…"

He moved ever onward.

* * *

><p><strong>I made this sick joke to my brother and he just cracked up., We're mean.<strong>

**But seriously, did your uncle in a Link to the Past forget it was dangerous to go alone? That is an important life lesson!**

**(I also happen to have a de-mot. poster with this joke attached on my DeviantArt account. You should check it out and spread it over the web. My account has the same username as this site.)**


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